The purpose of every Christian's life is to please God (Phillipians 2:13, Ephesians 1:5, 2 Thess 1:11, Collosians 1:10, Mathew 25:21, NKJV). Strangely, realizing that and accepting that is the hardest process of life. Our nature of self is not easily persuaded to allow someone else (let alone an invisible God) to be more valuable than ourselves with every teency tiny thought or inclination that pops into our minds and hearts. Because we place pleasing ourselves out ahead of everything else humans have a tendency to develop fixations and false beliefs that justify those fixations.
Have you or someone you know made "fun" the guiding motivation of life? A fixation. I have worked with many who have. Oh what a tireless, frustrating effort this is, but one that is hard to surrender. Because there are so many false and validating voices out there in the world around us. What's so bad about fun, right? Well, intrinsicly nothing. For the person who looks forward to their next "fun" time drawing on its hope to keep them focused now, essentially makes the fun they're looking forward to a demand. I MUST feel it and get it!
My thoughts on fun
It may not be a thought but more of a strong feeling, craving, or impulse. Its motivating though, driving the person forward to whatever finish line in order to receive their reward (a compulsion). Problems arise in this scenario. First thing I think is, what if the person doesn't complete or achieve the task and doesn't feel as though they've earned the "fun"? Well, then they give themselves the fun out of defiance to their internal driver but feel strong guilt or pressure. This creates a negative feedback loop from myself to myself. Very destructive.
My next thought is, what if the result in many scenarios is my faithfulness or my commitment or my loyalty? In other words, successful completion may elude me because my definition is under-developed or based on shallow values. Then what? Do I deserve "fun" then? Now I'm back to that negative feedback loop but I might also begin to become angry with people I believe are keeping me from feeling as though I have earned "fun". Fun is not as fun when I do not believe I have earned it, right?!
Another thought is, the attempt to hold on to "fun" as a goal or end result is an attempt to hold on to the carefree status of childhood making it a fixation. Even further, an attachment to a developmental phase during childhood or early adolescence. A phase in which fun made life sweet and free and memorable. Right here is where your specific idea of fun is defined. Are your sweetest memories laced with eating? Partying? Being alone? Being devious? Promiscuous? Working? Fighting? There will be specific characteristics and environments that will tend to be reoccurring themes of what you consider "fun".
The Maturing Process
Sometimes it may seem clinging to old behaviors is easier than adult growth, the maturing process, and learning and accepting being sober minded. The Bible speaks of putting off the old man (Eph 4:22). Developmentally speaking, the Bible is right on here! Adults who want to stay in step with healthy development must put off this immature, childish belief that life must be fun. Then in fun's place put on maturity and sober mindedness tempered by Gods love.
Gods love is key to this growth. Without it we may grow rigid, serious, and staunchly pious. Gods love brings an appropriate simplicity, humility, and playfulness. His love gives us the ability to be real and authentic and mature at the same time. We must relinquish our belief in fun and its correlating demand to feel what fun provides.
Fun must be re-conceptualized. Meaning, we must confront our rigid definitions of fun and become open and willing to experience every day adult activities as "fun". Essentially redefining what is fun.
Finally, remember a life lived for myself ends up being a psychological tragedy. This is because it leaves me always wanting, never truly filled or content. Our purpose is to please God, but how? The three loves!
• Love the lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. (God himself)
•Love your neighbor as yourself (those outside Gods family)
•Love one another ( those inside Gods family) (John 13:34, Mark 12: 29-31, NLT).
"You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
Psalms 16:11 NKJV
https://bible.com/bible/114/psa.16.11.NKJV
If you're ready to re-conceptualize fun and move toward the maturing process? I'm here to help. Learn more about my counseling services.
God,
