The other day I was driving down the road and I was carrying in my spirit a heavy burden of sorrow. I was starting my new job and it is a great job but not the job that I dreamed that I would be in after finishing my degree. I had a different vision for my life and that vision entailed a very different work environment with very different roles than I was facing in this car ride to work. I had been "sucking it up" so-to-speak for days at this point, telling myself that "this is good" and "I can do this" sort of stuff. Well it is good and I can do it but I want something else entirely and at this point I have time to put in, in order to get what and where I want. I felt humiliated. I felt a sense of unfairness. Im sure many reading this have been in this spot. Having to go through steps to achieve something and having to start in a place elementary to your abilities. uhhhhhh.... I sigh. It's humiliating. Having to face barriers in a system that seem impenetrable. Maybe you havn't climbed a ladder, maybe your barriers are inside of yourself or inside of a relationship you are in or closed doors around you socially or in some important way. And yet you know there is more and you are capable of more if you could just be allowed to break free! It feels humiliating to be kept back by something in your life and yet know that you have more to give, more to offer, more to accomplish! I broke out in tears! For the first time in a couple weeks carrying this heavy sorrow inside. Aaaand, of course, I was on my way to work and my face became a flurry (or blurry) of excitement. Anyway, that aside, my heart went from hiding my sorrow to allowing it to be exposed to myself and God. Then God said to me, "If I wound you, I will heal you." At that moment I realized I had come to a new place of trust with God. Usually I throw some kind of a tantrum with Him. I get mad. I tell Him my feelings and thoughts on why my idea is better for a few weeks. I may wrestle internally and use whatever tricks I got up my sleeve to manipulate myself, but NEVER do I just grieve my loss with grace and look to God with a patient and trusting calm. This time however, I felt sorrow and then when the tears flooded over my cheeks I felt love. After that when He told me that He was wounding me I felt a deep sense of trust and a steadfast belief that He would heal me. In other words, He would allow my heart to be broken and humbled, once again in order that out of my experiences would come a wealth of knowledge, and empathy, and love, and experiences that will serve to glorify Him for the rest of my career and my life. But that's not it, oh He will get the glory but I will receive a richness within my heart and my person and I will draw even nearer to God than I have before and I will inherit through this humbling such a richer perspective that I will then experience a changed life because then my eyes will see things that now they cannot. Mathew 26:42 “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” Oswald Chambers so eloquently stated, "You must be willing to be placed on the altar and go through the fire, willing to experience what the altar represents--burning, purification, and separation for only one purpose--the elimination of every desire and affection not grounded in or directed toward God....But you don't eliminate it, God does...be poured out as an offering" (My Utmost For His Highest,2/6). Will you come with me today to the altar, the place where we let go of our understanding and demands, the place where we enter His presence, so that we can lay down before Him and rest in His care? Let's go together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQnBvUiAGsI Kari Jobe: Here.
http://www.truthliveshere.net/
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