Have you ever lost your purpose? "What kind of question is that", you ask. Well, have you ever woke up some morning and wondered what you were doing with your life or where you were suppose to be going with it? I have. I mean, I have been there. This is a very scary and insecure feeling. It's like I could not seem to grasp anything real meaningful. I lost perspective. The perspective of passion and zealous conviction. Even if I would go and serve in a meaningful role helping a hurting person or counseling, still I found no pleasure in it. My purpose had been stolen by the pain of betrayal, deception and persecution.
Think back in your life. When have you felt the greatest sense of purpose? There were two times in my adult life when I felt a real burden of purpose. When I gave my life to Jesus at 25, I felt I must share with anyone who would listen of the freedom I had received in Christ. When I was 33, The Lord called me into service to those who have lived the same traumatic experiences I have lived. Everyday I would wake with an excitement in the pit of my gut because I knew that in that day God was going to do something great in my life. He did. Whether it was in prayer time, a phone call, a client in office or a community connection Jesus, was very material in my life. The original sense of purpose in my Christian faith has not wained. Oh, I have gotten distracted at times by jobs and kids and husband. Ok, and money a time or two but never has the flame of love and desire to preach the gospel ever burned out in my heart. The purpose to help trauma victims did however. Sad. I mean, it is sad how when the Lord calls us to something great there will always be an attack launched against us in order to stop us from bringing the message of freedom to others.
When the attack starts we are in that "googoo eyed" state with Jesus. He called me so I can take whatever the enemy dishes out, right? Have you ever been in an attack that went on for a long, long time? You finnally start to realize that you are getting wore down and tired and you need a break in the battle or to win the battle or you are going to just quit. Well that was me. It was literally a reliving of the story of Nehemiah when he was trying to get the people of Israel to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. They had resistance from within and resistance from without and the people were complaining and quarreling and were afraid. Nehemiah finnally told the people, “Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, great and awesome, and fight for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.' Those who built on the wall, and those who carried burdens, loaded themselves so that with one hand they worked at construction, and with the other held a weapon."(Nehemiah 4:14-17) With one hand so-to-speak I worked with my clients, my community and my colleagues. With the other hand so-to-speak I had to try to defend my reputation, my character and my actions from accusation and attack. The work was fulfilling and I could see every day God's work through me in the lives of many hurting children, women and men. The infrastructure in which I had to accomplish this work was steeped in cynicism, selfish agendas, beaurocracy and one barrier after another. I went in expecting that the system would work with someone who really wanted to make a change in people's lives. I believed that everyone who did that kind of work did it out of love and empathy for another fellow sufferer. Not so. I found that people were in my profession for a whole host of reasons and few of which were love, empathy or a desire to help people really find a way to change and heal. Because of this I became disillusioned with the work, the call I received to help those who are wounded. I became disillusioned with a system that I believed in and with groups of people I thought purposed to empower others but in reality were fueled by anger and competition. It is because of this I lost my purpose. I felt that if those who could support me and propel me forward would not then it would be impossible to accomplish my purpose. It was to them business as usual.
In the end I was undone by the anger and competetive spirit. I left with very little. Mostly, what I could carry in my memory and what I had learned from my clients, their cases and educational experiences. I was emotionally battered and torn, but I had been changed as a person. I came there to usher in change for others and they changed me. I now knew what real pain and suffering really were. I now really loved them. Their brokenness did not allow me to keep my self-satisfied image, my neat little portrayal of myself. Their brokenness demanded humanity, understanding, empathy, and for me to be a real person not just a smiling, nodding head. I wanted to lay down my life-my time, my heart, my energy, my resources in order to serve them and comfort them. Now I knew that in order to make a difference in the lives of the broken I must do it God's way not the world's way.
My purpose was to serve those wounded by trauma and help them but they helped me. They helped me to see what God saw not this nice, neet little package that some office professional could serve me. Now my purpose has changed. I thought I would serve those emotionally, physically and spiritually ravaged by abuse and neglect. I thought that if I found some program to work through that I could help people but now I know that healing and recovery come through the redemptive power of Jesus Christ.
What I will do is show the love of God to each and every person who the Lord sends me. I will meet them in their humanity so that they are not alone in their suffering so that they know that God has not forgotten them or rejected them and that there is hope.
"Yet in spite of this I did not demand the governor’s provisions, because the bondage was heavy on this people. Remember me, my God, for good, according to all that I have done for this people."(Nehemiah 5:18-19.)
http://www.truthliveshere.net/
Think back in your life. When have you felt the greatest sense of purpose? There were two times in my adult life when I felt a real burden of purpose. When I gave my life to Jesus at 25, I felt I must share with anyone who would listen of the freedom I had received in Christ. When I was 33, The Lord called me into service to those who have lived the same traumatic experiences I have lived. Everyday I would wake with an excitement in the pit of my gut because I knew that in that day God was going to do something great in my life. He did. Whether it was in prayer time, a phone call, a client in office or a community connection Jesus, was very material in my life. The original sense of purpose in my Christian faith has not wained. Oh, I have gotten distracted at times by jobs and kids and husband. Ok, and money a time or two but never has the flame of love and desire to preach the gospel ever burned out in my heart. The purpose to help trauma victims did however. Sad. I mean, it is sad how when the Lord calls us to something great there will always be an attack launched against us in order to stop us from bringing the message of freedom to others.
When the attack starts we are in that "googoo eyed" state with Jesus. He called me so I can take whatever the enemy dishes out, right? Have you ever been in an attack that went on for a long, long time? You finnally start to realize that you are getting wore down and tired and you need a break in the battle or to win the battle or you are going to just quit. Well that was me. It was literally a reliving of the story of Nehemiah when he was trying to get the people of Israel to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. They had resistance from within and resistance from without and the people were complaining and quarreling and were afraid. Nehemiah finnally told the people, “Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, great and awesome, and fight for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.' Those who built on the wall, and those who carried burdens, loaded themselves so that with one hand they worked at construction, and with the other held a weapon."(Nehemiah 4:14-17) With one hand so-to-speak I worked with my clients, my community and my colleagues. With the other hand so-to-speak I had to try to defend my reputation, my character and my actions from accusation and attack. The work was fulfilling and I could see every day God's work through me in the lives of many hurting children, women and men. The infrastructure in which I had to accomplish this work was steeped in cynicism, selfish agendas, beaurocracy and one barrier after another. I went in expecting that the system would work with someone who really wanted to make a change in people's lives. I believed that everyone who did that kind of work did it out of love and empathy for another fellow sufferer. Not so. I found that people were in my profession for a whole host of reasons and few of which were love, empathy or a desire to help people really find a way to change and heal. Because of this I became disillusioned with the work, the call I received to help those who are wounded. I became disillusioned with a system that I believed in and with groups of people I thought purposed to empower others but in reality were fueled by anger and competition. It is because of this I lost my purpose. I felt that if those who could support me and propel me forward would not then it would be impossible to accomplish my purpose. It was to them business as usual.
In the end I was undone by the anger and competetive spirit. I left with very little. Mostly, what I could carry in my memory and what I had learned from my clients, their cases and educational experiences. I was emotionally battered and torn, but I had been changed as a person. I came there to usher in change for others and they changed me. I now knew what real pain and suffering really were. I now really loved them. Their brokenness did not allow me to keep my self-satisfied image, my neat little portrayal of myself. Their brokenness demanded humanity, understanding, empathy, and for me to be a real person not just a smiling, nodding head. I wanted to lay down my life-my time, my heart, my energy, my resources in order to serve them and comfort them. Now I knew that in order to make a difference in the lives of the broken I must do it God's way not the world's way.
My purpose was to serve those wounded by trauma and help them but they helped me. They helped me to see what God saw not this nice, neet little package that some office professional could serve me. Now my purpose has changed. I thought I would serve those emotionally, physically and spiritually ravaged by abuse and neglect. I thought that if I found some program to work through that I could help people but now I know that healing and recovery come through the redemptive power of Jesus Christ.
What I will do is show the love of God to each and every person who the Lord sends me. I will meet them in their humanity so that they are not alone in their suffering so that they know that God has not forgotten them or rejected them and that there is hope.
"Yet in spite of this I did not demand the governor’s provisions, because the bondage was heavy on this people. Remember me, my God, for good, according to all that I have done for this people."(Nehemiah 5:18-19.)
http://www.truthliveshere.net/
