Thursday, March 8, 2012


Suffering. Who needs it anyway! Emotional agony, the unknown, how will I make it through? Somebody must be to blame! Why, has this happened? Where is God? Why is He so silent? Is He there? Has He abandoned me? The spiral.

When I am suffering, and I am right now, I want to do something. I want to make something move, but God seems to be the barrier. It's like He wants me to sit just a little longer before He steps in. It feels needless, pointless and yet I know there is a purpose too it. Recently, my family had a string of losses in which we just stood as everything that gave us security in this life began to crumble one by one around us. Our friends said, "This is an attack from Satan." Was it? I'm not as sure. I'm not sure who was responcible. I do know that this world is passing away and so is everything and everyone in it. We count on things being there for us and people being there for us when we should be counting on Jesus always being there. I'm not saying that we shouldn't count on one another, but if ever so slowly we move away from reliance upon God for our security and move into the place where God is just one of many things that make us secure we are in a very vulnerable place. What if our security blankets get lost or stolen, broken or used, corrupted or disengaged? What then? I think then, well then is when I begin hearing myself saying the opening paragraph in my heart. When I am caught up in a romance with people and things then I feel entitled to them and the loss of them is more than I can handle. I forget that they are lended to me until God wants them back or wants to give them to someone else. I pout to God. I start believing He must not love me because He won't give me what I want or let me keep what I have. Then, as I said before, I begin to think that if God won't do what I want I'll get it myself. Oh, I exert all kinds of force trying to get my way and all I do is tire and get weary, frustrated and have to give up anyway.

I think back of times before when I wasn't suffering (because suffering comes and goes in everyone's life), and I remember how I would see those who were suffering and maybe think "I wouldn't react to that situation with that attitude." Oh, how arrogant we are when things are going "good". When I suffer I begin to understand people better. I am more gentle and willing to yield. I slow down and begin to consider my life and the lives of others. Just a few weeks ago, my husband and I were talking with a man we had not seen in a year. He talked about how this last year had been so hard and his business had really struggled. We really empathised as our business has struggled also. Sharing togethor in our sufferings connected us with that person where there was no other connection. There was an opportunity for relationship where formerly there had been none. Now, I would never ask God to bring suffering. I'm no fool! I'll take the easy life any day as I'm sure any of you reading would, but when I suffer I need to believe that there is hope. Suffering without hope is... Hell. One of the big reasons I follow Jesus is so that I don't have to live in Hell here or when I am no longer here. Hopeless suffering is no longer my existence. My suffering, my losses have a goal. I may not like the goal, but it is there none the get my attention, to teach me something that no other avenue could, to get my ears plugged in to Him and my eyes fixed on His every move. I believe God is an opportunistic father. He doesn't always bring trouble. Sometimes when we bring trouble His role is to bring the principle/s and the arms to run to for comfort. On-the-other-hand, sometimes God does bring trouble upon us and it is then it is not ours to sit in judgement of Him, but to trust that His ways are perfect and right and just and fair and in His character of love and grace He decided that it was merciful to wound us so that He could heal us.

If your heart aches today, cry out to God. Don't shut Him out. Don't fall for the lie that He is mean and cruel. Satan wants us to be intimidated into silence! Stand...Stand for Jesus! Don't be afraid. If God is for you who can be against you! Nothing can seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus! Will we accept good from God's hand and not trouble? No, God has wounded, but He will heal! Blessed be the name of the Lord! AMEN.