God Takes.

     
     Recently the Holy Spirit has been speaking to me through some song lyrics.  This is not odd for me as this happens everyday, however sometimes He speaks specifically to me about a subject and teaches me something much deeper.  The songs are from a Christian artist named Tauren Wells.  His songs Known and Hills and Valleys have some lyrics that have haunted me in some of my current circumstances. 
https://youtu.be/gbQ6Lfh5L14   https://youtu.be/p4rRCjrAyCs 

"God, you give and take away...Father, you give and take away, Every joy and every pain..."

"And you call me out to pull me in..."

     These are just some of the words, but go ahead and listen to the songs and search up the lyrics and read them for yourself.  The Holy Spirit has been birthing something in me for quite a few months now.  It has felt like its right in front of me but I cannot see it.  I cannot grasp it.  It has been intangible.  I sense its presence and its finality.  This is because my will was invested in MY WILL.  But, these songs have rang in my mind, in my dreams, and in many of my waking hours.  Yesterday, finally it all came togethor with two scriptures from Job 1:21 "...The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord" and from Genesis 22: 1-12, which I will only quote verse 12, "...now I know that you truly fear God. You have not withheld from me even your son, your only son."

     Have you ever had something in your life, a circumstance, person, or thing that was being taken from you? Taken through seemingly earthly circumstances which you have tried and tried to fight but to no avail it just seems, taken? Well I sure have!  Many things. Many people. Many intentions. Many goals. Many, many things that I posessed as gifts, comforts, feel goods, things that allow me to feel "normal" or even above "normal".  

     And I have always had this attitude about loss that if I am losing something, someone is to blame.  Someone did something wrong--namely me!  How impoverished I have become in so many circumstances attempting to resist "losing" stuff, people, and achievments.  What a deception! I have not been losing it.  It is being taken.  And not because I am bad, wrong, or unworthy (necessarily).  It is because it is the divine will of God.  He is not being mean, cruel, angry, harsh, or any other negative judgment of God.  It simply IS.

     Maybe my obsessive desire to latch on to anything I am given thats good came from not having enough when I was young; enough love, money, food, cool clothes, attention, safety, etc. Thats entirely possible.  Maybe my obsessive clinging to blessings is a part of my nature.  That nature that is bound to my flesh and its will that is self-protective and self-exalting.  I think thats also entirely possible.  Maybe, its just the way I think.  Maybe its just the way my mind perceives loss that motivates me to compulsively hang on to my blessings.  That is also entirely possible! My gut tells me it is a combination of the three!

     God gives many blessings, such as: good health, strength, life, love, relationships, marriage, children, success, posessions, pets, family, friends, businesses, jobs, cars, titles, authority, strengths, gifts/talents, vision, opportuniites, etc.  What makes us believe that once we have these blessings that we will not be asked to hand them over?  And maybe even right away after they are handed to us!  God takes, anything He chooses for any reason that He chooses!  I am not saying we should give up without any fight, but if the fight becomes the new norm (insanity) then maybe, we are fighting God Himself!

     Sometimes God takes directly.  Other times God allows Satan and his henchmen to take from us. Even more God allows our sin, choices, and even the sin of others to take from us what He has ordained to be taken.  And when He takes, how do we perceive it and respond?

• Get angry and stubborn? Even unyielding?

• Depressed and victimized? Powerless?

• Focused, solutionizing, controlling, perfect execution?

• Afraid, walking on spiritual eggshells? Gods a meany?

• Manipulative, strategizing, making deals, being perfect?

     And all to keep what we have.  When surrendering to God is so much easier, so much less heartache, less wasted time, less fighting, and less frustration.  We will even tell ourselves lies about God and His motivations/intentions so that we can keep believing that we havent already lost what is standing right there staring us in the face!  ACCEPTANCE.  Acceptance, is the key.  Otherwise it will be a lifetime of searching, blaming, and solution attempts.

     Then there is the post acceptance sitting still. Waiting in the acceptance that, "God took."  Now, I wait to hear what He will say is the next response, idea, attitude, and action.

     How good are you at letting God take from you?  Especially the things that you posess that supply your ego with power, importance, comfort, and feel goods.  Are you watching the taking of something or someone in your life?  If God wants you to fight, then fight!  But if God is saying let go then it is time to ACCEPT, God gave and God takes away.  For whatever reason He had.  Blessed be the name of the Lord!  

Detachment in Recovery Counseling

Many of the 12 step recovery programs and counseling teach detachment from situations and other peoples stuff as a means of letting go of control and surrendering outcomes.  This is a powerful tool in the recoverer's arsenal against insanity.  I am realizing though that, so far, in my experience the program has not taught how to identify and heal detachment from myself.  I am realizing how profoundly destructive this character trait (detachment from self) is and the profound role it plays in the process of thwarting healing.

Detachement Questions

Do you struggle with not knowing how you feel or not knowing how to feel?  Do you struggle with identifying your emotions, your needs, or wants?  If you can identify can you communicate that to anyone? Do you often feel robotic in work, home life, or social interactions?  Do you have a tendency to fixate on someone or something and the majority of your attention goes there? Do you try to intellectually figure everything out but cannot seem to put that knowledge into useful practice?  How about going a bit deeper.  Do you ever experience the feeling that you are sort of watching yourself/what you are doing through your own eyes?  Do you ever experience the feelings or perceptions that others only exist in the environment you see them in, like they are 2D cardboard cut-outs without a sense of person hood?  Do you struggle with experiencing within, a lack of empathy for others or a hardness when confronted with suffering?  Do you tend to deny your internal state and instead present masks to people around you?  Do you tend to lose yourself in tasks and lose track of time?  Do you tend to be very judgmental of others and demanding about who they are?

Defining Detachment

These questions above allude to some common symptoms of detachment, depersonalization, and derealization. These three characteristics, in my opinion, exist in every humans life to some degree.  I say that because from my personal and professional experience we are all learning to become truly connected to ourselves; being able to feel empathy and a full range of emotion and human conditions while bringing this state to our higher power for strength and support.  Detachment becomes a problem when we detach from ourselves (the most vulnerable self, our truest self) to any degree.  Detachment is not surrender.  Surrendering parts of me or surrendering me to my higher power is healthy.  Detaching from parts of me that threaten fear or overwhelm is not healthy.

Detachment from self (my truest self) exists on a continuum, from low level detachment (daydreaming a few seconds, compartmentalizing) to high level depersonalization/derealization/dissociation (multiple personalities, memory loss, experience of life not feeling real, the continual experience of watching me through my own eyes).  With most of us existing somewhere in between the two extremes.  One way to know if you have a dangerous level of detachment is to look at the root motivation for what you do.  If you trace your choices backwards do you find "self" or "self-protection" at the root of your choices?  Do you find conscience, a higher power's will, the greater "good" at the root of your choices?  This may seem counter-intuitive but, if many of your choices are motivated by self-protection that may show a strong tendency to detach from your true humanity or your most truest sense of you and a feeding of your nature where self-protection reigns supreme. 

Changing Detachment

Where self-protection reigns, love and connection are blocked out.  They are walled out.  Change cannot happen very deeply because I am blind to me.  I cannot hear my own inner voice let alone hear the voice of my higher power speaking to me.  I have in a sense rejected myself or parts of me so deeply that I have silenced the voice that communicates to me the needs of that part of me.  It as if it no longer exists.  I have not seen it or felt or heard it in so long its no longer there or part of my awareness.  It would be quite literally like lopping off an arm or leg and letting go of all need or memory of it.  In some cases people reject their own gender, sexuality, body parts, body size, and begin to feel estranged from the very body they live in.  Dissociation can be quite destructive on the extreme end.

So, how about you?  Do you disconnect from yourself at any level?  Are there areas of you that are too dangerous to feel, look at, deal with?  Unless you are willing to take an honest look there your growth will stay blocked because higher power is not welcome there to lovingly take inventory and fill that with love.  Connect with your truest you and you will be more able to connect with your higher power and receive his healing.   

If you're experiencing detachment and ready to step into hope and healing, I'm here to help. Get started by scheduling a complimentary initial phone consultation.  This initial consultation is not therapy, but an opportunity to get to know each other and decide whether my style and process are a good fit for your unique personality and situation.  

 

Do the 12 steps lead a person to a specific religion?

The quick answer to that question is no. The 12 steps are a spiritual program developed through Bill W and others’ own experiences of being in the grip of alcoholism. Bill W. was not the first, but was himself the beneficiary of another recovering alcoholic’s testimony of the power of working a spiritual program for recovery from alcohol. Bill W. explained in the Big Book that before recovery he was not an atheist and did not believe many people really were. It was his assertion that atheistic belief would mean, “...blind faith in the strange proposition that this universe originated in a cipher and aimlessly rushes nowhere (Big Book, 2001, p.10). In fact, his scientific heroes of the time even “...suggested vast laws and forces at work....I had little doubt that a mighty purpose and rhythm underlay all. How could there be so much of precise and immutable law, and no intelligence? I simply had to believe in a Spirit of the Universe, who knew neither time nor limitation” (Big Book, 2001, p. 10).

The 12 steps of recovery

You see the 12 steps of recovery have one goal in mind: to bring those who become entirely willing to obediently choose honesty and humility 24 hours a day to a spiritual awakening not just once but again and again, each and every day that the steps and relationship with a power greater than themselves are practiced and applied through faith. Not blind faith, but faith that the steps combined with power from our higher power sought out in prayer and meditation consistently and daily WILL produce sobriety for sure! Then on top of sobriety the steps will build strength, endurance, hope, direction, maturity, self-control, the power to deny destructive selfishness, openness, community, belonging, accountability, self-respect, freedom through the gift of forgiveness, the reordering of behavioral choices, inner peace, mental clarity, joy in living and pleasure in serving others.

            Bill W. taught that he had a sort of profound awakening in which past memories aligned with the present testimony that was being shared with him such that God was able to remove his unwillingness to believe in a power greater than himself. The question from his friend, “Why don’t you choose your own conception of God?” (Big Book, 2001, p. 12), led to the realization, “It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning” (Big Book, 2001, p. 12). 

Freedom in the 12 steps

You see, in the 12 steps there is a beautiful freedom given to each participant. Come as you are, where you are, and know that if you will acknowledge where your beliefs stand today and obediently and fully commit to working the steps that the God of your understanding will bring you to the faith you need to live the program successfully. This was called moral psychology by William D. Silkworth, M.D.; a doctor who worked with many alcoholics and whose writing is included in the Big Book. In Silkworth’s experience, alcoholism was a death sentence of sorts. He had not witnessed successful life change or recovery until he witnessed Bill W. share his story and his steps with those in the then institution for alcoholics. What Silkworth reports is that through what he terms “moral psychology”, Bill W. and the men he led out of alcoholism were able to achieve “unselfishness...the entire absence of profit motive...community spirit...[belief] in themselves, and still more in the Power which pulls chronic alcoholics back from the gates of death” (Big Book, 2001, p. xxvii).

            Dr. Silkworth had been convinced that emotionalism, merely focusing on behavioral band aids, or psychological tricks was not enough to help alcoholics. He said, the approach had to have, “depth and weight” (Big Book, 2001, p. xxviii). Silkworth testified of his own experiences of powerlessness when faced with healing an alcoholic and how he innately felt deep down that there had to be a power greater than the alcoholic sickness to heal it because human medicine/psychiatry had no cure. This has also been my clinical and personal experience with addicts of all kinds. This includes anyone that has a compulsive pattern, an addictive cycle, a “bad habit” they seemingly cannot overcome and it is bringing any level of brokenness into their life, their relationships, or their social/vocational functioning. The experience of powerlessness when attempting to help the mastered is quite profound. It is not until I, even I, surrender control of the healing to my higher power can I be of any assistance to my broken client. Many people, many addicts, are skeptics of the 12 steps and its programming. If that person is reading this, in the Silkworth tradition, I would encourage you to read the AA Big Book front to back, slowly and carefully with your ears open to hear and receive.  As Silkworth said, “perhaps [you’ve come] to scoff, [but you] may remain to pray” (Big Book, 2001, p. xxxii). The 12 steps will not lead you to a certain religion but they will lead you to a relationship; a relationship with a Power greater than yourself that is the power you need to change your life for the better.                       

Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. Big Book. NY: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.,         2001.                      

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