The Slow Fade From Faith

“It's a slow fade. When you give yourself away; it’s a slow fade. When black and white have turned to gray; Thoughts invade, choice is made, a price will be paid.  When you give yourself away.  People never crumble in a day.  It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade” (Casting Crowns, Slow Fade, 2007).  What prophetic words for the Church today.  Allow me to explain.

I have observed and experienced through professional and personal interactions a profound and strangling spiritual weed that has crept its way into the lives of many Christians. That weed is the weed of life lived for self.  Most often this weed creeps slowly through a believer’s life picking up justifications, human reasoning, worldly opinions, and even so-called educated information in order to feed strength to its vine so that it can strangle out the life of faith and the surrender of one's life to God in Christ.  Oh, what a perfect climate we live in for this weed to spread!  A climate of enabling one another to stay in sin, rarely if ever speaking the truth in love to each other, saying 'yes' instead of ‘no’, coddling everyone's feelings rather than loving and challenging them into higher morality and deeper faith, excusing each other’s unwillingness and disobedience as 'process' and 'grace', worshiping each other’s acceptance instead of considering it all loss for the sake of knowing Christ and obeying Him.

We fear upsetting or challenging our church leaders so we sit in the pews wearing our masks while our gifts and call of God that are irrevocable grow stale and then forgotten along with a once burning desire to spread the truth and love of Jesus.  The pastors run the church, right?!  A spiritual leader must have a theology degree, right?!  We trade our God-given passions for ministry for disappointments and resign to a life of spiritual deadness and the grind of money-making, child-rearing, and busyness.  We no longer have time to read our Bibles cutting ourselves off from formational truth!  We allow immaturity to set into our prayer life or we just stop praying altogether.  Attending Church becomes another duty, why even go?  We slowly stop expecting God to show up in our lives.  We begin doubting: Maybe it's ok to not pray and read my Bible every day... Maybe I'm fine... I can do this!... Does God really heal?  Does He really deliver?  Does God even care?  Is He even involved? Then after our hearts develop a hardened crust towards conscience and the Holy Spirit we begin demanding that God stretch out His hand and we begin to pry His fingers open to get all His goodies from inside it. 

Alas, we resign to the belief that He either loves others more, we need to 'do' more and be more, or He is not good.   As our power in Christ through faith and obedience is stripped from us we try and try to make a career, a hobby, a relationship, or an interest fit the hole, the ever-growing empty hole within us but it just never quite plugs it.  Even worse, we secretly wonder why we feel this way but fear to speak to anyone because we might look less spiritual or as a doubting Christian.  When in fact THAT is the question we needed to ask all along!  Why do I feel empty, unsatisfied, even oppressed?  Why am I plagued with doubt and often secretly harboring crippling unbelief?  Why am I held in bondage to fear in so many areas/an area of my life, especially ministry?  Why is my behavior so selfish?  Why is my heart so demanding and self-protective?

Even better, why am I unwilling to admit to the symptoms of worldliness/carnality in me and my life?  I will admit to physical symptoms and maybe even psychologically explained symptoms!  If I never ask questions about my spiritual condition then my spiritual condition lingers on in the shadows of sin, hidden from conscience, constantly growing, amassing new justifications, excuses, lies, and denials about its deepening vacuum of emptiness, resentment, unbelief, and carnality. Cloaked in smiles, social niceties, ambition, churchiness, psychological jargon, and busyness the darkening soul remains hidden even from undiscerning Church folk.  In this condition, I have successfully isolated myself from all the persons who can assist me to break free from sin: myself, God, and my Church family.  Even worse is when some, many, most, all of my Church family is in the same spiritual condition.  Everyone is in a sinking ship together toasting to the greatest time of our lives!  “Prosperity and blessings”, we all testify!  We are completely unaware that the waters are already up to our knees and deepening.  Jesus stated to the Laodicean Church in Revelation 3: 14-19, “These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true Witness, the Originator of God’s creation.15I know your deeds; you are neither cold nor hot. How I wish you were one or the other! 16So because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to vomit you out of My mouth! 17You say, ‘I am rich; I have grown wealthy and need nothing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked. 18I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined by fire so that you may become rich, white garments so that you may be clothed and your shameful nakedness not exposed, and salve to anoint your eyes so that you may see. 19Those I love, I rebuke and discipline. Therefore be earnest and repent.”

Enter stage right New Age Religion.

Psalm 34:8 states, "Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good..." (NKJV).  People who confess faith in Jesus but do not receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, do not receive discipleship, do not submit themselves to accountability for their walk (behavior, words, attitudes, beliefs, practices), will not commit to obey the word of God consistently, will not commit to daily prayer, will not practice fasting when called, reject belief and practice of spiritual warfare, become ashamed of the gospel and silence their testimony for fear of man's disapproval and backlash, will not tolerate God’s discipline, reject service to others and forgiveness of all others--these Christians will not taste of the Holy Spirit and of the presence of God in a deep and profound way.  They will not experience the spiritual rewards of obedience and perseverance.  Their faith will become shallow and lifeless.  Above all, it will have no power to change their life, to resist sin, to impact others, or to fulfill any sense of purpose.  This Christian will begin to believe in a small sense, as they first slip from the road of holiness, that their faith cannot help them in some struggle they are in. This Christian then turns to the world for an antidote, for answers, for peace, for happiness, for identity.  When we turn to the world we are really turning away from God and to ourselves and the powerlessness of our flesh and the sin nature of the self.  THIS is THE slippery slope into New Age Religion (NAR) or making self my god.

A person does not have to have direct discipleship in or declare themselves a Buddhist, a Taoist, a Hindu, or any other named new age religion such as Pantheism, reincarnation, personal transformation, ascended master, chakra, Christ conscious, or pagan to be actually believing and practicing NAR.  Americans live IN a “spiritual” mixing bowl every day!  In fact, according to Pew Research Center 61% of all Christians hold at least 1 new age belief (Gecewicz, 2018, https://www.pewresearch.org).  Pew’s polling posed four new age beliefs to respondents to evaluate their values.  There are hundreds, (and I am being conservative) of new age beliefs and practices that have infiltrated Church society, practice, values, and thinking.  Hopefully, you can see that it would be nearly impossible for any Christian to have 0 new age beliefs or practices.  This is the infiltration of lies and deceptions into the minds of believers from the satanic underbelly of the spirit realm.  It is Satan’s absolute agenda to use his false kingdom with all his lying and manipulating demons to strip Christians of their power and authority in Christ through engaging them in false religions.  It is in this way that Satan will remove the watchmen from the wall, the light from the city on the hill, the saltiness from the salt!  We will be rendered powerless!  His false kingdom will advance as it is so blatantly in America and so blatantly in Christ’s bride, the Church.  “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12, NKJV).

 New age religion may be understood as the religion of self.  NAR's faith practice is in the actualization, the realization, the evolution of humanity into its highest and most spiritually ascended form.  Forget that God said that Adam and Eve were "very good" (Gen 1:29)! Forget that after God finished His work He rested because there was no other work to do (Gen 2:3)!  NAR teaches that the self needs to be promoted, developed, needs to ascend spiritually by its own power, needs to realize its full potential, and needs to actualize all of its wants, desires, and ambitions.  NAR takes the final word and command away from God and hands it to each individual to decide what is right or wrong and what a human must do/not do.  NAR excuses and promotes trust and reliance on myself for all solutions.  NAR promises that in practicing these prescriptive rituals, ideologies, values, etc. a person will evolve into a higher self or a higher consciousness.  To make it plain, with NAR I will finally be happy.  In NAR, I will seek to know the deepest me.  Believe me, you and I have a very deep and unknowable recess within us containing bottomless appetites and darkness (Jeremiah 17:9). 

What does the Bible say is the will of God for believers of Jesus? Romans 6 teaches that all true believers in their own will have died to self in order to live a brand new life.  This death happened when we accepted Christ and turned away from a life's pursuit of self as God illustrated in the phrase, “my will be done”.  Dying to self or sin must happen because in this way the enslavement to our lusts dies and the new person is awakened in the Holy Spirits power to a passion to please God and obey Him through a life lived according to His word.  The believer in Christ is not to allow the lusts of self to "reign" (v.12) in their bodies so that consequently that person will give in to those lusts and again become enslaved to sin, self, and my will.  Whatever or whomever we obey is our master (v.16).  This then discounts feelings in the process of identifying what master we serve (v.17-18).  If we serve our flesh it is our master.  If we serve God He then is our master.  If we are doing God's will it results in deeper and greater personal holiness (v.19).  If we are doing the will of ourselves the Bible teaches it will result in death (v.21).  Now, this is most likely not the body dying at that moment but instead a slow spiritual death and a resurrection of all things ME!  This will again, in time, culminate in heart-hardness, emptiness, dissatisfaction, disconnection from the Holy Spirit, and a loss of faith and reliance.   

“Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you” (2 Corinthians 6:17, NKJV).  Can you hear me Church?  I am calling out to you!  Do you feel the conviction of Gods spirit?  Come back to your first love!  No life lived apart from Jesus will ever be enough.  Living for your own will, even if “only a little” will never be acceptable to God.  Resist the worlds shaming of your faith!  Stand up and be counted for Christ!  Hear the words of our Lord to you and me, “Jesus said to [you], “[your name]...do you love Me more than these [anything/anyone that is your will]?”  [I] said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.”  He said to [me], “Feed My lambs.”  16He said to [me] again a second time, “[your name],...do you love Me?”  [I] said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.”  He said to [me], “Tend My sheep.”  17He said to [me] the third time, “[your name],...do you love Me?” [I] was grieved because He said to [me] the third time, “Do you love Me?”  And [I] said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.”  Jesus said to [me], “Feed My sheep” (John 21:15-17, NKJV).

Church, it’s time to stop striving in our own power, which is tiny against this world; it’s time to decide who we serve. If God is God, serve Him, with your whole heart, mind, soul, and strength.  If you are god, then serve you, heart, mind, soul, and strength.  Let’s stop mixing the two together!  Let’s allow the Holy Spirit to purify us all the way to the core so that our ears hear again, our eyes see again, our hearts are bowed down again to the true master and creator of our souls.  Do you love Him?  Do I love Him?  Jesus says, “Those I love, I rebuke and discipline. Therefore be earnest and repent.  20Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him, and he with Me. 21To the one who is victorious, I will grant the right to sit with Me on My throne, just as I overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne” (Revelation 3:19-21, Berean). It’s time for honesty.  It’s time to look into the mirror of God and see our true reflection.  It’s time for discernment.  We must all stop telling ourselves that worldliness in any form, in any size is acceptable. There is no such thing as holy yoga.  Meditation in the form of clearing the mind to make way for truth, answers, solutions, understanding, or to know one’s self is not Biblical meditation.  Paper with knowledge recorded on it by a “Christian” and bound in a hard cover is not necessarily the truth or even from God and crystals created by God have no power to heal you or center you.

These are just a taste of new-age ideas.  In the following weeks, I will be posting blogs describing in detail some new age practices and their deceptions.  I will also be posting a blog about the “end times” Church as I believe we are living in the times in which Christ’s return draws near.  Stand firm Christian!  Our bridegroom comes and we must prepare our hearts. 

From New Age to Jesus: Steven Bancarz testimony  

Veritas Counseling Services

God Takes.

     
     Recently the Holy Spirit has been speaking to me through some song lyrics.  This is not odd for me as this happens everyday, however sometimes He speaks specifically to me about a subject and teaches me something much deeper.  The songs are from a Christian artist named Tauren Wells.  His songs Known and Hills and Valleys have some lyrics that have haunted me in some of my current circumstances. 
https://youtu.be/gbQ6Lfh5L14   https://youtu.be/p4rRCjrAyCs 

"God, you give and take away...Father, you give and take away, Every joy and every pain..."

"And you call me out to pull me in..."

     These are just some of the words, but go ahead and listen to the songs and search up the lyrics and read them for yourself.  The Holy Spirit has been birthing something in me for quite a few months now.  It has felt like its right in front of me but I cannot see it.  I cannot grasp it.  It has been intangible.  I sense its presence and its finality.  This is because my will was invested in MY WILL.  But, these songs have rang in my mind, in my dreams, and in many of my waking hours.  Yesterday, finally it all came togethor with two scriptures from Job 1:21 "...The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord" and from Genesis 22: 1-12, which I will only quote verse 12, "...now I know that you truly fear God. You have not withheld from me even your son, your only son."

     Have you ever had something in your life, a circumstance, person, or thing that was being taken from you? Taken through seemingly earthly circumstances which you have tried and tried to fight but to no avail it just seems, taken? Well I sure have!  Many things. Many people. Many intentions. Many goals. Many, many things that I posessed as gifts, comforts, feel goods, things that allow me to feel "normal" or even above "normal".  

     And I have always had this attitude about loss that if I am losing something, someone is to blame.  Someone did something wrong--namely me!  How impoverished I have become in so many circumstances attempting to resist "losing" stuff, people, and achievments.  What a deception! I have not been losing it.  It is being taken.  And not because I am bad, wrong, or unworthy (necessarily).  It is because it is the divine will of God.  He is not being mean, cruel, angry, harsh, or any other negative judgment of God.  It simply IS.

     Maybe my obsessive desire to latch on to anything I am given thats good came from not having enough when I was young; enough love, money, food, cool clothes, attention, safety, etc. Thats entirely possible.  Maybe my obsessive clinging to blessings is a part of my nature.  That nature that is bound to my flesh and its will that is self-protective and self-exalting.  I think thats also entirely possible.  Maybe, its just the way I think.  Maybe its just the way my mind perceives loss that motivates me to compulsively hang on to my blessings.  That is also entirely possible! My gut tells me it is a combination of the three!

     God gives many blessings, such as: good health, strength, life, love, relationships, marriage, children, success, posessions, pets, family, friends, businesses, jobs, cars, titles, authority, strengths, gifts/talents, vision, opportuniites, etc.  What makes us believe that once we have these blessings that we will not be asked to hand them over?  And maybe even right away after they are handed to us!  God takes, anything He chooses for any reason that He chooses!  I am not saying we should give up without any fight, but if the fight becomes the new norm (insanity) then maybe, we are fighting God Himself!

     Sometimes God takes directly.  Other times God allows Satan and his henchmen to take from us. Even more God allows our sin, choices, and even the sin of others to take from us what He has ordained to be taken.  And when He takes, how do we perceive it and respond?

• Get angry and stubborn? Even unyielding?

• Depressed and victimized? Powerless?

• Focused, solutionizing, controlling, perfect execution?

• Afraid, walking on spiritual eggshells? Gods a meany?

• Manipulative, strategizing, making deals, being perfect?

     And all to keep what we have.  When surrendering to God is so much easier, so much less heartache, less wasted time, less fighting, and less frustration.  We will even tell ourselves lies about God and His motivations/intentions so that we can keep believing that we havent already lost what is standing right there staring us in the face!  ACCEPTANCE.  Acceptance, is the key.  Otherwise it will be a lifetime of searching, blaming, and solution attempts.

     Then there is the post acceptance sitting still. Waiting in the acceptance that, "God took."  Now, I wait to hear what He will say is the next response, idea, attitude, and action.

     How good are you at letting God take from you?  Especially the things that you posess that supply your ego with power, importance, comfort, and feel goods.  Are you watching the taking of something or someone in your life?  If God wants you to fight, then fight!  But if God is saying let go then it is time to ACCEPT, God gave and God takes away.  For whatever reason He had.  Blessed be the name of the Lord!  

Step 3, 6, and 7 Prayer

God,
Remove my blindness. Remove my deafness. Open my eyes so I can see my willful behaviors, open my ears so I can hear my willful words, open my mind so I can realize when I am about to or am doing willful actions.  I am willing to be remade to fit your will. Please God, I need a resurrection. I need a revival to who You made me to be.
In your name I pray.
Amen.

Making "FUN" Your Life Purpose

The purpose of every Christian's life is to please God (Phillipians 2:13, Ephesians 1:5, 2 Thess 1:11, Collosians 1:10, Mathew 25:21, NKJV).  Strangely, realizing that and accepting that is the hardest process of life. Our nature of self is not easily persuaded to allow someone else (let alone an invisible God) to be more valuable than ourselves with every teency tiny thought or inclination that pops into our minds and hearts.  Because we place pleasing ourselves out ahead of everything else humans have a tendency to develop fixations and false beliefs that justify those fixations.

Have you or someone you know made "fun" the guiding motivation of life?  A fixation.  I have worked with many who have. Oh what a tireless, frustrating effort this is, but one that is hard to surrender. Because there are so many false and validating voices out there in the world around us. What's so bad about fun, right? Well, intrinsicly nothing. For the person who looks forward to their next "fun" time drawing on its hope to keep them focused now, essentially makes the fun they're looking forward to a demand. I MUST feel it and get it!

My thoughts on fun

It may not be a thought but more of a strong feeling, craving, or impulse.  Its motivating though, driving the person forward to whatever finish line in order to receive their reward (a compulsion). Problems arise in this scenario. First thing I think is, what if the person doesn't complete or achieve the task and doesn't feel as though they've earned the "fun"? Well, then they give themselves the fun out of defiance to their internal driver but feel strong guilt or pressure.  This creates a negative feedback loop from myself to myself. Very destructive.

My next thought is, what if the result in many scenarios is my faithfulness or my commitment or my loyalty? In other words, successful completion may elude me because my definition is under-developed or based on shallow values. Then what? Do I deserve "fun" then? Now I'm back to that negative feedback loop but I might also begin to become angry with people I believe are keeping me from feeling as though I have earned "fun". Fun is not as fun when I do not believe I have earned it, right?!

Another thought is, the attempt to hold on to "fun" as a goal or end result is an attempt to hold on to the carefree status  of childhood making it a fixation. Even further, an attachment to a developmental phase during childhood or early adolescence. A phase in which fun made life sweet and free and memorable. Right here is where your specific idea of fun is defined.  Are your sweetest memories laced with eating? Partying? Being alone? Being devious? Promiscuous? Working?  Fighting?  There will be specific characteristics and environments that will tend to be reoccurring themes of what you consider "fun".

The Maturing Process

Sometimes it may seem clinging to old behaviors is easier than adult growth, the maturing process, and learning and accepting being sober minded. The Bible speaks of putting off the old man (Eph 4:22).  Developmentally speaking, the Bible is right on here! Adults who want to stay in step with healthy development must put off this immature, childish belief that life must be fun. Then in fun's place put on maturity and sober mindedness tempered by Gods love.

Gods love is key to this growth. Without it we may grow rigid, serious, and staunchly pious. Gods love brings an appropriate simplicity, humility, and playfulness. His love gives us the ability to be real and authentic and mature at the same time. We must relinquish our belief in fun and its correlating demand to feel what fun provides.

Fun must be re-conceptualized.  Meaning, we must confront our rigid definitions of fun and become open and willing to experience every day adult activities as "fun".  Essentially redefining what is fun.

Finally, remember a life lived for myself ends up being a psychological tragedy. This is because it leaves me always wanting, never truly filled or content.  Our purpose is to please God, but how? The three loves!

• Love the lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. (God himself)
•Love your neighbor as yourself (those outside Gods family)
•Love one another ( those inside Gods family) (John 13:34, Mark 12: 29-31, NLT).


"You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
Psalms 16:11 NKJV
https://bible.com/bible/114/psa.16.11.NKJV

If you're ready to re-conceptualize fun and move toward the maturing process? I'm here to help. Learn more about my counseling services. 

It's all about me!

Living for self is a psychological tragedy.

Detachment in Recovery Counseling

Many of the 12 step recovery programs and counseling teach detachment from situations and other peoples stuff as a means of letting go of control and surrendering outcomes.  This is a powerful tool in the recoverer's arsenal against insanity.  I am realizing though that, so far, in my experience the program has not taught how to identify and heal detachment from myself.  I am realizing how profoundly destructive this character trait (detachment from self) is and the profound role it plays in the process of thwarting healing.

Detachement Questions

Do you struggle with not knowing how you feel or not knowing how to feel?  Do you struggle with identifying your emotions, your needs, or wants?  If you can identify can you communicate that to anyone? Do you often feel robotic in work, home life, or social interactions?  Do you have a tendency to fixate on someone or something and the majority of your attention goes there? Do you try to intellectually figure everything out but cannot seem to put that knowledge into useful practice?  How about going a bit deeper.  Do you ever experience the feeling that you are sort of watching yourself/what you are doing through your own eyes?  Do you ever experience the feelings or perceptions that others only exist in the environment you see them in, like they are 2D cardboard cut-outs without a sense of person hood?  Do you struggle with experiencing within, a lack of empathy for others or a hardness when confronted with suffering?  Do you tend to deny your internal state and instead present masks to people around you?  Do you tend to lose yourself in tasks and lose track of time?  Do you tend to be very judgmental of others and demanding about who they are?

Defining Detachment

These questions above allude to some common symptoms of detachment, depersonalization, and derealization. These three characteristics, in my opinion, exist in every humans life to some degree.  I say that because from my personal and professional experience we are all learning to become truly connected to ourselves; being able to feel empathy and a full range of emotion and human conditions while bringing this state to our higher power for strength and support.  Detachment becomes a problem when we detach from ourselves (the most vulnerable self, our truest self) to any degree.  Detachment is not surrender.  Surrendering parts of me or surrendering me to my higher power is healthy.  Detaching from parts of me that threaten fear or overwhelm is not healthy.

Detachment from self (my truest self) exists on a continuum, from low level detachment (daydreaming a few seconds, compartmentalizing) to high level depersonalization/derealization/dissociation (multiple personalities, memory loss, experience of life not feeling real, the continual experience of watching me through my own eyes).  With most of us existing somewhere in between the two extremes.  One way to know if you have a dangerous level of detachment is to look at the root motivation for what you do.  If you trace your choices backwards do you find "self" or "self-protection" at the root of your choices?  Do you find conscience, a higher power's will, the greater "good" at the root of your choices?  This may seem counter-intuitive but, if many of your choices are motivated by self-protection that may show a strong tendency to detach from your true humanity or your most truest sense of you and a feeding of your nature where self-protection reigns supreme. 

Changing Detachment

Where self-protection reigns, love and connection are blocked out.  They are walled out.  Change cannot happen very deeply because I am blind to me.  I cannot hear my own inner voice let alone hear the voice of my higher power speaking to me.  I have in a sense rejected myself or parts of me so deeply that I have silenced the voice that communicates to me the needs of that part of me.  It as if it no longer exists.  I have not seen it or felt or heard it in so long its no longer there or part of my awareness.  It would be quite literally like lopping off an arm or leg and letting go of all need or memory of it.  In some cases people reject their own gender, sexuality, body parts, body size, and begin to feel estranged from the very body they live in.  Dissociation can be quite destructive on the extreme end.

So, how about you?  Do you disconnect from yourself at any level?  Are there areas of you that are too dangerous to feel, look at, deal with?  Unless you are willing to take an honest look there your growth will stay blocked because higher power is not welcome there to lovingly take inventory and fill that with love.  Connect with your truest you and you will be more able to connect with your higher power and receive his healing.   

If you're experiencing detachment and ready to step into hope and healing, I'm here to help. Get started by scheduling a complimentary initial phone consultation.  This initial consultation is not therapy, but an opportunity to get to know each other and decide whether my style and process are a good fit for your unique personality and situation.  

 

If I'm Honest

If I'm honest I'll admit that I cling tightly to the blessings that are and have been mine. If I'm honest I would admit that I believe at most times that I know many things, enough, and believe that I know myself for the most part. If I'm honest I will admit that what I have and who I believe that I am is what comforts me each day.

But when I stand in the presence of God long enough, broken enough, with enough longing for answers, tolerating the discomfort of my emotions and my circumstances without running or avoiding, I inevitably come face to face with a God who demands my full attention, my full surrender, my full embrace, my full loyalty, my full commitment to Him and Him alone.

When that inevitable moment comes and I receive the call to let go of my firm grasp on who I believe I am through my stuff, my knowledge, and my relationships that's when I connect with my soul sickness. My deep constitution within that is permeated with self. And I know, at that moment, being honest, I have no power over that level of freedom from self. Only God can do that deepest work in that place of me, My core.

If I'm honest.

Disappointed in Life

     So many people I speak to are cynical about the negativity they see and feel and about pain they observe in the world, loved ones, and friends.  People often struggle with the observation of injustice and feel disappointed with life.  Why do some evil people prosper and good people struggle?  Why do evil people get away with injustice and a good person is persecuted?  Why are children starving and victimized? Why is there so much violence?  Those are the very tough questions we all have at one time or another.  Those are the doubts that threaten to take hold of the heart of the person of faith and render them powerless.  Those are the questions the atheist, agnostic, or nihilist ask to test our faith in a loving God and test our obedience to a Higher Power.  

     What if, the world, the creation (a creationist premise there) was not cursed or broken?  What if, when the fall happened God had only banished Adam and Eve and disciplined them but had not placed the curse on the rest of creation (the earth and all creatures)?  So, essentially humans keep their internal struggle but externally the blessing is still on all of the creation and the external struggle is not there.  The ground easily produces food, the elements remain perfect for habitation, the animals don't attack or destroy one another and remain herbivores, life is plenteous.  Well, my first response is humans having a nature of self protection and self reliance would then make the earth and all its resources a type of heaven and would be satisfied getting all their sensual needs met right here.  There would be no further need for the creator because we are provided for on our own, without Him.  That is our nature.  

     God did strike the earth and the animals with a death sentence and struggle and turmoil.  We all experience this struggle in our everyday life.  Family life is trying and takes hard work and is never free of disappointment. Work can/may be hard, exhausting, and sometimes/often lacking enjoyment.  Getting along with neighbors can/may be exhausting and trying.  Cooperating in organizations, groups, churches, schools, etc can/may be very testing.  And as we all know, picking leaders, managing our neighborhoods, cities, states, and nation can/may be very trying and disappointing.  If you have your hands in all of these areas at once and for some of you maybe more areas of life than this things can get very difficult, complex, frustrating, and then disappointing.  Why?  Because it seems there's always conflict!  Things get going good and you're bopping along and then BOOM!  Conflict is present again. Why can't it just stay fixed?

The Journey of Life

We all seem to expect to some degree ease and comfort in this life.  And if we will press ourselves deeper we probably expect a lot more than that.  It seems like some sick joke when we wake up every day to conflict or struggle when we expected happiness and comfort.  Its like being asked to go out to eat to a nice restaurant and your driven to some cheap drive through food.  You eat the burger but leave psychologically wanting.  The expectation of the "nice restaurant" still calling for fulfillment.  You may feel lied to, cheated even.  You may even drive to the fancy place down the street later in an attempt to fix or quiet the unfulfillment.  Being human is much the same as this illustration.  Being human, we expect to be treated fairly, justly.  We expect to be loved, needed, valued.  We expect to prosper, get what we want, have pleasure and live in peace. And we expect to watch others live the same.  When life takes us to the proverbial McDonald's or garbage can for dinner we react with, WHAT?  This cannot be.  Did I do something wrong?  Did someone else do something wrong? This is not right!  I demand answers! I demand justice!  I demand this to be fixed!  All this in an attempt to create a sort of comfortable environment. My or your personal garden of Eden.  

Facing Disappointment

Sometimes these demands take up an entire lifetime.  Attempting in many ways to force life to be seamless, placid, comfortable, peaceful, fair, just, etc.  This only exhausts and consumes those of us who attempt any one of these impossibilities.  That's because when we strive for "Eden" we are striving against a law set in motion that will not be undone by any human.  Realistically admitting, facing, and accepting the experience of being disappointed by life may be very freeing.  It also may allow the mind to finally realize, "Why do I have this demand for perfection or perfect peace and comfort and justice?"  Admitting your disappointment with life may also assist you to connect with your thirst for a REAL place of perfection, Heaven.  In fact, I believe that is the purpose of the curse on the creation.  To keep us longing for the "more" of heaven and for God himself, a very real place and person.  It is not an error in God's computer system that things are dysfunctioning down here!  I believe His intention is to allow need so that we will look beyond this world and its chaos for our needs and we will find the possibility of safety, love, and peace in Heaven.

     I am not attempting to explain all evil.  That's definitely another blog.  I am merely contending that disappointment in life is inevitable and so is the human struggle to extinguish it.  It's not possible.  Life is never going to stay, Le Bernardin NY.  God does not promise freedom from struggle and He doesn't promise heaven on earth living.  He does promise His love and His presence no matter what and the hope of a future living with Him.

"Against its will, all creation was subjected to God's curse.  But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God's children in glorious freedom from death and decay" (Romans 8:20-21, NLT).  

Facing disappointment in life can be one of life's biggest challenges. I help individuals and couples face disappointment and find hope through my Christian Counseling Services. 

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Do the 12 steps lead a person to a specific religion?

The quick answer to that question is no. The 12 steps are a spiritual program developed through Bill W and others’ own experiences of being in the grip of alcoholism. Bill W. was not the first, but was himself the beneficiary of another recovering alcoholic’s testimony of the power of working a spiritual program for recovery from alcohol. Bill W. explained in the Big Book that before recovery he was not an atheist and did not believe many people really were. It was his assertion that atheistic belief would mean, “...blind faith in the strange proposition that this universe originated in a cipher and aimlessly rushes nowhere (Big Book, 2001, p.10). In fact, his scientific heroes of the time even “...suggested vast laws and forces at work....I had little doubt that a mighty purpose and rhythm underlay all. How could there be so much of precise and immutable law, and no intelligence? I simply had to believe in a Spirit of the Universe, who knew neither time nor limitation” (Big Book, 2001, p. 10).

The 12 steps of recovery

You see the 12 steps of recovery have one goal in mind: to bring those who become entirely willing to obediently choose honesty and humility 24 hours a day to a spiritual awakening not just once but again and again, each and every day that the steps and relationship with a power greater than themselves are practiced and applied through faith. Not blind faith, but faith that the steps combined with power from our higher power sought out in prayer and meditation consistently and daily WILL produce sobriety for sure! Then on top of sobriety the steps will build strength, endurance, hope, direction, maturity, self-control, the power to deny destructive selfishness, openness, community, belonging, accountability, self-respect, freedom through the gift of forgiveness, the reordering of behavioral choices, inner peace, mental clarity, joy in living and pleasure in serving others.

            Bill W. taught that he had a sort of profound awakening in which past memories aligned with the present testimony that was being shared with him such that God was able to remove his unwillingness to believe in a power greater than himself. The question from his friend, “Why don’t you choose your own conception of God?” (Big Book, 2001, p. 12), led to the realization, “It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning” (Big Book, 2001, p. 12). 

Freedom in the 12 steps

You see, in the 12 steps there is a beautiful freedom given to each participant. Come as you are, where you are, and know that if you will acknowledge where your beliefs stand today and obediently and fully commit to working the steps that the God of your understanding will bring you to the faith you need to live the program successfully. This was called moral psychology by William D. Silkworth, M.D.; a doctor who worked with many alcoholics and whose writing is included in the Big Book. In Silkworth’s experience, alcoholism was a death sentence of sorts. He had not witnessed successful life change or recovery until he witnessed Bill W. share his story and his steps with those in the then institution for alcoholics. What Silkworth reports is that through what he terms “moral psychology”, Bill W. and the men he led out of alcoholism were able to achieve “unselfishness...the entire absence of profit motive...community spirit...[belief] in themselves, and still more in the Power which pulls chronic alcoholics back from the gates of death” (Big Book, 2001, p. xxvii).

            Dr. Silkworth had been convinced that emotionalism, merely focusing on behavioral band aids, or psychological tricks was not enough to help alcoholics. He said, the approach had to have, “depth and weight” (Big Book, 2001, p. xxviii). Silkworth testified of his own experiences of powerlessness when faced with healing an alcoholic and how he innately felt deep down that there had to be a power greater than the alcoholic sickness to heal it because human medicine/psychiatry had no cure. This has also been my clinical and personal experience with addicts of all kinds. This includes anyone that has a compulsive pattern, an addictive cycle, a “bad habit” they seemingly cannot overcome and it is bringing any level of brokenness into their life, their relationships, or their social/vocational functioning. The experience of powerlessness when attempting to help the mastered is quite profound. It is not until I, even I, surrender control of the healing to my higher power can I be of any assistance to my broken client. Many people, many addicts, are skeptics of the 12 steps and its programming. If that person is reading this, in the Silkworth tradition, I would encourage you to read the AA Big Book front to back, slowly and carefully with your ears open to hear and receive.  As Silkworth said, “perhaps [you’ve come] to scoff, [but you] may remain to pray” (Big Book, 2001, p. xxxii). The 12 steps will not lead you to a certain religion but they will lead you to a relationship; a relationship with a Power greater than yourself that is the power you need to change your life for the better.                       

Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. Big Book. NY: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.,         2001.                      

If you're ready to step into recovery counseling, I can help. Learn more about my recovery counseling services here. 

His Way or Your Way

WISDOM FROM OSWALD CHAMBERS

It is in the middle that human choices are made; the beginning and the end remain with God. The decrees of God are birth and death, and in between those limits man makes his own distress or joy.  Shade of His Hand, 1223 L

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My Way vs God's Way

Recently, in a clinical session an image came alive.  Since then, this image has continued to communicate very deeply with me to explain so many struggles I see in most of my clients lives, my loved one's lives, and in areas or circumstances in my own life.  I would like to share it with you.

Reflecting on childhood

Remember your favorite playground from childhood?  There were so many fun places to play.  One favorite for most children is, the slide.  And oh, how slides have gotten more exciting right?!  Slides now are child safe, curly, and held by a massive pile of wood chips or bouncy mats.  Kids now have it very nice.  Think back to that time, childhood.  Maybe even a beautiful fall day, running through the cool breeze and sunshine, wearing your favorite sweatshirt, swinging, sliding, and going round and round on the merry-go-round and then, how children would congregate at the slide.  Everyone wanted to go again, and again, and again.  Some children would just naturally run to the stairs, climb, slide, and back to the stairs as fast as they could for another go!  Other children would naturally run to the bottom of the slide and attempt to climb up the actual slide-slipping, grasping, getting a couple feet, slipping, grasping harder, getting slidden into and then flying down to the bottom (and maybe onto the ground), with the current slider.  Laughing, wrestling, or maybe even arguing about who did it wrong or who hurt who.

Typically, kids as a group will either join the "slide-climber" or they'll join the "stair-climber" because cooperation and group-think make social time much easier, serene, and more enjoyable.  Order.  Eventually, we all learn that taking the stairs is just easier and more safe.

Rules and Creativity

Of course there's always that mom who would re-direct that kid who just would not stop climbing the slide backwards no matter how many times he/she was knocked down by a slider.  That's the kid who is a true creative!  Maybe even a true rebel, at heart.  However, maybe that is the child who has learned that there are no rules because mom and dad cannot be trusted, do not care, are distracted, or do not approve of anything I do anyway.  So rules (made by parents and thus adults), become irrelevant and the new rule that can be trusted is, "I can trust in me.  I wont let me down."  But there's that mom who cannot sit back and watch the slide climbing and steps in to redirect. She has accepted that truth that the stairs are clearly easier and more safe, plus IT'S THE RULE!  WE MUST KEEP THE RULES!  Right?

The belief of the broken child above is the base belief that exists in those who struggle to submit to life's rules.  Consequently, a person with this belief regularly experiences being up against an oppressor, blocked by a wall, opposed by loved ones, kept out of their dreams and just shy of a goal/s.  See, there are hidden or dynamic rules that play out between humans.  There is not even a requirement of actual relationship for these rules to apply.  They apply small scale in such interactions as with a retail clerk or behaviors out in public, medium scale as with co-workers or in employment relations, and large scale in our homes between spouses, parents and children. The rules seem to be universal, innate, divine, and unshakable.  They are bound to the way we want to see the world operate: with order, not chaos.

Finding Order

In order for order to exist, people must function within a particular continuum of behaviors, cognitions, emotions, perceptions, choices, etc.  This does not mean they do not experience the aforementioned characteristics that land outside the particular continuum.  But in order to keep order in every area of their life they withhold their extremes of self and funnel them into other more positive activities or expressions.  A great sublimation, as Freud would say!  To put this thought into image, look to the childhood slide again.  Do you see it in your mind?  Where are you standing? Are you standing away from it but looking at it?  Are you standing at the bottom or climbing from the bottom?  Are you standing at the stairs or climbing the stairs?

Rule keepers tend to go to the stairs every time without error.  They may consider the bottom but will thwart themselves from such trouble-making curiosities in order to not make waves.  This is the safer option of the two as order is created and maintained, but individuation is smothered with unquestioned or little-questioned rule keeping.  Rebels or those who heavily rely on themselves tend to go to the bottom of the slide every time or most of the time because no one is going to tell me what is right for me!  And no one is going to control me, no matter what!  The self and its evaluation of faithfulness to its natural inclinations is valued over relationship with others.  

Rule Followers and Rule Breakers

Where did you see yourself in relation to the slide?  This may be your innate or root self speaking to you about your own tendency towards being a rule follower or a rule breaker.  Do you think that never deviating from the stairs, no matter what comes is orderly?  Most likely this would create disorder or chaos in the face of a need for individual expression, crisis, loss, disaster, or change.  To counter that thought, do you think that always taking the bottom of the slide to climb up is honoring yourself or being true to yourself??  To the contrary, it will become imprisonment to all the demands within yourself and all the emotions, thoughts, and impulses a person can and when fed, will experience. 

Again, some of us learned early that the rules were not fair, did not make sense, and maybe even caused us harm.  And so to counter that harm, rules (with many being societal, relational, spiritual, and unspoken but expected), became something to be challenged, defied, resisted, and ignored.  Sadly, this consequently causes blindness over time.  See, the consequences of consistently ignoring or defying these types of "rules" is that of growing and burgeoning emotional pain.  Having used denial to counter the anxiety over defying or breaking these "rules" we then become blind to the "hows" and "whys" of our negative internal condition. We forgot to follow ourselves, watch ourselves because we told ourselves what we were doing was right!!  Now, we may have a tendency towards anger, selfishness, self-sabotage, isolation, blame, hardness, and being emotionally unavailable.  

Powerful Questions

Ask yourself:  Have I never realized that its more work to climb the slide from the bottom??

Ask yourself:  Have I never realized that I exist too and I can climb the ladder my way and                                          sometimes a different way?

It's all about the combination of heart condition and disciplined actions.  In-other-words, order is supremely more important than chaos, but it takes a wee bit of chaos to make order sweet!!  A person must make sure that they are an individual in their world, but remember individuality is not defined by rebellion or resistance or even defying order.  In fact, individuality is most often found when willingly submitting to a higher power, service to others, a shared value system, virtue and its behavioral framers, sacrificial love, and universal human values.  Individual expression is healthy chaos to totalitarian order.  But individual expression is not destructive to the self or others in any way.  It will build you, your personality, your relationships, and your ability to function peacefully in your world.  There is a strongly submissive element--an acceptance of what "works" but, there is also freedom to make what "works" my own. 

Stepping Out

So, step out from the place you have been stuck in.  Step out and consider the other option.  What scares you about making that choice?  Confront those fears with Gods love and His ability to protect, provide, and care for all your needs.  Where have you been unwilling to obey God?  Most likely in the things/ways hidden or more difficult for others to see or talk to you about.  But you know!  And that is what counts.  Break free from ambivalence and start the process of growing your motivation to obey your higher power and do what's been nagging your heart!!  God will meet you there.  He has been patiently waiting for this moment.

"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand” (Zechariah 4:10, NLT).

If you're ready to step out and are not sure what that looks like, Veritas Counseling is ready to help.  I offer an initial consultation so we can get to know each other and confirm we're the right fit.  Learn more about my Christian counseling services. 

      

Applying Biblical Principles to Health and Healing

Hello again!

Are you struggling with physical symptoms such as digestive upset, food intolerances, unstable moods, low energy, sleep disruption, lethargy, skin/hair/nails issues, allergies, imbalances?  Has your mental health become depressed, anxious, or unregulated?  Do you just want to feel better again but dont want to take a handful of pills???

Give Rachel a call at Shekinah Wellness!  

Rachel provides holistic health services including: 

• comprehensive lab testing 
• bionetic body stress scan
• health recovery plans
• laser therapy
• natural remedies, supplements, nutrition and other methods
• a personalized nutritional plan to meet your specific needs 
• spiritual and emotional guidance.

Give Rachel a call today at 763-923-8112 or check her out on the web at https://www.shekinahwellness.com/

"Applying Biblical Principles to Health and Healing"

The Banana Duck

Are you stuck in a rut of cynicism, negativity, or just burdened down with worries or concerns?

Did you know that our Heavenly Father has a sense of humor?  He does.  Let me tell you a story.  Yesterday began as every other day.  The alarm, uuuugh, shower, calling out kid names to keep them on task, racing around to get ready for work, driving one to school, coming back to finish running around, fixing lunches and having a cup of coffee. 

There's a duck in that tree!

Well my last two kids and myself finally made it to the truck to be off for the day.  My daughter says, "Mom! There's a duck in a tree!"  Of course, Im like, whaaa?  "Theres a duck in a tree!"  She's pointing.  "It's up there Mom!  Its over the neighbors house!"  I tried but I could not spy it.  The trees are very tall, towering many feet over the house.  I got out of the truck and looked up and there I saw it!  It was a mallard literally sitting up in the top of a tree, out on a branch, looking right at us!  It was like he was smiling at us.  He had to have been because it was so crazy!  We all broke out laughing!  My son was eating a banana and so he blurts out, "Its a banana duck!"  Then we laughed more. 

Finding Joy in the little things

Well, things got serious next because we began our daily prayer on the way to school.  Everyone takes a turn.  As I listened to my children pray I wondered, what do I need to pray for today?  The Holy Spirit whispered, "Look.  Im in charge of that duck.  I put him there to show you that even I have a sense of humor.  Don't get so caught up in seriousness and schedules and human functioning that you cannot see the humor around you and experience joy!  Thank Me for the banana duck!"  And so,  when it was my turn to pray I gave thanks for the banana duck and Gods great sense of weirdness and humor and His will that our hearts experience laughter and joy and not get bogged down in struggles.

Struggles are real and the pain they produce is also real, but Gods greatness and His world is so awesome and His people so special there has to be something you can find today that can bring even a twinkle of joy into your heart!  It will be a choice you make to see God in the midst of your pain, your struggle, your testing.  He's there friend!  Reach out to Him.

Proverbs 16:15 "When the king smiles, there is life; his favor refreshes like a spring rain" (NLT). 

Are you searching for God in the midst or pain and struggle? We're all on a journey and I'd love to walk with you and you find hope and healing in God.  I offer a free initial phone meeting so we can get to know one another and see if we are a right fit.  Complete my contact form to get started.