Speak, For Your Servant Is Listening

We are living in an era in which we are experiencing a drought, a famine of God’s voice. There is so much noise in our world, in our lives, in our souls. How would God’s still small voice break through such a tumultuous and screaming world that exists inside and outside of us? If we cannot hear God’s voice in all the noise, and motivations, and personal goals how will we know what direction to take? How will we know the secrets about ourselves? How will we discern other’s pain and needs? How will God be able to call us to His next work? Isn't it the Christian’s core struggle: Who will run each day? Will I allow God to lead me or will I depend upon myself? Will I listen to Him or me? I hear so often how busy people’s lives are. Honestly, I have even caught myself saying this not long ago. I was caught up in the forward drive of making money, meeting expectations, reaching goals, and seeing my loved one’s needs met. I began to think, this is just a season. When it’s over I will go back to the calm and peace of before I began this rat race. What I did not accept and acknowledge was that while I chased after all the things life was providing I was being changed from the inside out. My mind started to become foggy but driven. When I was home I started experiencing it difficult to sit quietly, to experience the coming down. I struggled to allow myself to rest. God began whispering, Rest Shannon, Rest. I ignored His voice and to my detriment. When I left my last position I was mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. I found myself in the quietness of my home with my mind spinning inside. My mental thought pace had been trained to move as fast as my life was moving and now the pace of my life was at a standstill. I have to say it was torture for a few days. I wanted to run around the house doing pointless tasks, go up town to run pointless errands all to keep up with the pace of my mind. Thankfully, God began to whisper, sit down. Be quiet and wait Shannon. Sit down and rest. Seriously I had to trust that if I performed the discipline of waiting and resting that the pace of my mind would pass and God would heal it and slow it to match my circumstances. It took a week but it began to slow. The second week light began to come back and the fog began to lift from my mind. I fear that we the Church are outrunning God’s voice. I hear the message of busyness in sermons and in my counseling sessions and in conversations with friends and family. I can see the evidence that busyness is at work in people’s spiritual, personal and relational lives. Busyness is spoken of as if it has a power all its own to choose to control the person, family, or relationship. Really, we are choosing to remain busy, too busy for rest, peace, silence, each other, for God. Church people are hungry for God’s voice but seemingly not hearing it or not hearing as often as they need to. Why not?! If God’s people are struggling to hear or are not hearing God’s voice our world is in real trouble. As was Eli in the story in 1 Samuel 3 of the Bible. Eli was the high priest of the tabernacle but he chose his worldly possessions over honoring God and because of that God spoke to Him one last time with a promise to destroy what Eli had built. What once was a blessing had now become a trap. Eli got caught up in his world and his worldly compulsions and replaced Gods voice and God’s relationship with service and duty. This was a time of famine, a drought so-to-speak of God’s voice. In fact, in 1 Samuel 3 a spiritual drought is recorded. The reason for this is not told in this passage but Mathew Henry comments that maybe it was the “impiety and impurity in the tabernacle” that had corrupted the nation of Israel consequently leading to God’s silence. I see this in the “tabernacle” of the modern day as well. We Christians are not taking seriously our walk with Jesus in ways that would welcome the voice of God to our lives. It seems we are willing to allow modern living to become our norm as well but then also expect all of God’s spiritual gifts to be at work in us despite our lack of piety and lack of submission. Oh, how dare I!? Maybe you believe you are serious about your faith and submissive to God. Great for you, but I am speaking to those who struggle with waking up with the compulsion to depend on their own strength, resilience, and knowledge to live the day out and then getting ate up by the modern day machine of life. I am speaking to those who hunger for God’s voice and wonder when they will hear it for the first time or the next time. I am speaking to those who long for God’s voice as evidence that He is with them and His promise to return for them still stands. Years ago my grandmother told me a story of an experience she had as we sat together sharing. She shared that she was sleeping and someone standing next to her called out her name. She heard it called twice and then on the third hearing of it she sat up in bed thinking someone was standing there but no one was there. She was reverent and confused by this experience. She wanted to know what I thought it was. I was shocked and excited to hear her story as I had experienced this multiple times as I slept not long before our conversation. I knew it was God calling her as it had been God calling me. God was giving us a gift. This was a gift that would imprint itself on the fabric of our identity changing the course of our faith and thus the practice of our faith in our daily lives. When a person experiences “the call” or experiences the comfort of God’s voice on a regular basis it changes you, keeps you focused, and keeps you connected to your purpose and your true strength. Maybe we resist rest and quiet because it is not immediately gratifying. Maybe its because the pace of our minds makes us uncomfortable when we attempt to rest and we sense our failure and come face to face with what we have done to ourselves so we run from it. Maybe we don’t rest and listen for God’s voice because we fear what He will say to us or ask of us. Maybe He will ask us to give up something or let go of someone. Maybe He will tell us to serve someone we dislike or forgive someone we hate. Maybe He will ask us to stay when we want to run from something or someone. Maybe He will show us things He knows about us that we don’t want to know or see. Maybe we are just caught up in running. Here’s the thing…If we desire God’s voice and His gifts we must desire Him first above all else including all the “blessings” of our lives. We have to position ourselves as Samuel did next to the altar under the light of God’s lamp (the Holy Spirit) waiting on His every word no matter what He decides to say. That’s going to mean making changes. Changes to schedules, activities, workloads, and mind-sets. That’s going to mean real commitments to our relationship with God as primary and real commitments to listening inward to our bodies and God’s voice. It’s also going to mean giving up ideas the world has taught us about competition, social image, and behavior. We will have to live for His eyes alone and not worry about the thoughts of those around us as we begin to discern and obey His voice. And obedience is key to growing in the identification of God’s voice. As Mathew Henry teaches, we can expect God to speak when we have shown that we are set on obeying whatever we are told. I remember a time in my life when this idea became apparent to me. The idea of being willing to obey whatever I was told by God was terrifying because what if He asked me to do something embarrassing or outside my comfort zone?! I had to ponder that but realized soon after that I did not care. I wanted God even if I looked stupid! At least if people laughed or mocked me in the future I would know that I was not alone and I had done it for Him. I also realized that I would not learn to identify His voice if I didn’t act on it each time I thought I was hearing His voice. This practice taught me well with some failures and a lot of exciting spiritual experiences. Do you long to hear God call your name? Make a new commitment to spending time quieting your soul each day. Even if you don’t know what to say, present yourself to God in prayer and tell Him, speak Lord for your servant is listening! Wait on Him. No matter how many days it takes, wait on Him each day. Commit to listening to whatever topic is His heart and obeying whatever He speaks to you. “As we listen, our ears become more sensitive, and like Jesus, we will hear God all the time….Get into the habit of saying, “Speak, Lord,” and life will become a romance” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest, Jan 30). Kari Jobe: Blood of Jesus (copy & paste) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeFC_2btqD8

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Be Still My Soul

Recently, I went through a season with the Lord in which I and Him became very close. I drew away from dependency on the world, my husband, my job, and my friends for my comfort and drew near—within Gods comforting arms. I began to have thoughts that I was really getting somewhere spiritually. I had thoughts that said to me that I had attained a place in which I did not no longer need the things of this world to comfort me because I had my love with Jesus and I was fulfilled. Sadly, my mind was deceiving me and my pride was telling me lies. It is so easy to believe that one’s self is close to God when you have all the things that you are rejecting for Him, but when one or more of those things is removed things change! This is when our romance, our loyalty to God alone is shown for what it is. This is when our wanton hearts are exposed! I had told God that all I needed is Him and all I wanted is Him. He is so wise and patient friends! He must have smiled when I prayed those things. He knew my eyes were blind to my humanity, my basest needs. Oh, I love Him friends! He is so patient and so wise that He gently moves us in front of His heavenly mirror to show us what He sees and then wraps His arms around us as we stand exposed in His reflection. He holds us quietly while we go through shock, denial, anger, sadness, and then acceptance. Oh friends, what a perfect friend He is! What an amazing God is the Father of Jesus! This is the God people say does all these great harms? No, they do not know the God that I have experienced and know—and I only know Him a little by His standard. I experienced two wounds to my life, my identity, in two areas close to my pride—my job and my marriage. Oh, I thought that my identity was in Christ alone but I found that when these comforts were truly removed my heart hardened and I began to feel my flesh once again clawing and clambering for the comforts that this world provides. I was shocked! How could this be??? I thought that I didn't need these things anymore to be happy?! Friends, what a deception! We NEVER escape the flesh. Don’t be deceived. We need one another. We need God’s provision in our lives. It’s not that we need idols of these things but God created us for Him first and one another next and finally to build a world that reflects His glory. Our purpose in Him is worked out in our daily lives through the people we love and the work we are given and the places we find rest. God doesn’t want us to get to a place in which we no longer need one another or our daily activities. Our Father in heaven wants to be first, not only, but first. He does not want our love greedily but wants us to come to Him to be filled to overflowing so that we might turn from His face and pour it out upon those standing near. O God I pray that you would make me a loving person!!! Love me Lord, so that I can show love to those standing near me and to those I pass by on my journey. Friends, God knows us far more than we know ourselves. Never forget that. The places in which we are blind within our identities, our humanity, God sees fully. Here is the song that was playing when God began to speak to me and reveal that I am seen by Him in ways that I am blind. Worship! Worship, all you God's people!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mq59iE3MhXM

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I'm Blessed! How are you?

Yesterday at church, I ran into a guy and his boy who we attend small group with. I said the usual, "Hello, how are you?" He responded, "I'm bl-E-ssed!! How are you?" I was taken back. His comment came across to me as artificial and inconsiderate. I responded with, "Oh, ok, well I'm...good". I mean honestly, what can compete with that, right?! This has happened to me before in church with church people. In fact, the last time I heard "I'm blessed!" was from a pastor in passing as he was walking passed me in the church office. Strangely enough, this guy from my small group grabbed my husband just moments later after talking to me and began venting about how NOT BLESSED he actually feels because his life is chaotic and stressful right now. This makes me shake my head. He was being dishonest and misrepresenting reality, for what? The pastor I was talking about earlier that was also so "blessed" has recently taken a long break from his preaching/ministry because of a "health issue" that is not physical sickness. Hmm. I guess he was living quite the same situation as my small group friend,feeling NOT blessed. Both of these men suffer from a debilitating sickness that breeds within the culture of Christ's Church, it's called the prosperity gospel. This is a belief that if you are a Christian then you should live happy, prosperous, stress-free, without conflict, neutral on social issues, without any health issues or relational issues,never suffer in any way, and most of all not having to CHOOSE when choices present themselves and not having to WORK HARD to get to prosperity. Because becoming a Christian is ALL about making your life better and happier, right? Sound strange? Maybe it doesn't sound strange but, if I was to ask this question to many Christians they would answer, yes. And if you or I happen to NOT be "blessed" at the time we are asked how we are, we should NEVER answer with the truth because that would mean that we have no faith. To have no faith is shameful to a Christian. It has taken many years for the prosperity doctrine to trickle down through Christian circles. This doctrine's amazing foothold in Christians' hearts has not been without the influence of worldly practices such as the entitlement society, the growing practice of undisciplined children/not saying or hearing 'No', and the practice of attempting to remove all suffering from persons. These are just three influences but there are many others that have contributed to church goers buying into this idea of always happy and always "blessed". Living real life doesn't supply any illusions about suffering. We ALL go through tough stuff. We all have people in our lives that struggle and suffer. One day we can feel great and the next find out we have cancer. One day we can be successful and make great money and the next we can lose our job and our spouse with no warning. How about having a person in our life that just doesn't get their "crap" togethor and they just make life continually frustrating. This doesn't provide fodder for "happy" and feeling "blessed". There is a process of grief that everyone goes through no matter what the suffering and loss their experiencing. But I can tell you from experience that I don't feel "blessed" when I am suffering. For awhile I just deny I am suffering. Depending on the situation this can last hours or days or weeks. I just go about my life with intensifying pressure on the inside. Then when the pressure gets too much I get angry and fight back against the wave of negative emotions the situation and/or person is creating in my life. Then I come up with an action plan and begin to put it into practice in order to alleviate my suffering. Sometimes this works completely and sometimes it doesn't work at all but more often my actions work to some level for positive outcomes and also don't work in some aspects in any way or very little. I am then left with a choice about my situation or relationship--Am I going to move forward WITH this thing in my life and learn to live above this thing or am I going to live focused on this thing and how I can't be totally rid of it and rid of my suffering? I typically tend to be the person who chooses to move forward with the suffering in my life. I walk with it and look to God to help me carry it. This is where we can either deny we are in fact human and are still suffering or we can say, "No, I'm blessed!" Which means, "I don't want anyone to know that I am struggling because then I don't look super-spiritual and if I'm not super-spiritual then I can't remain aloof and above them because they'll know I'm human!" Oh no, right?! Not human. That wouldn't fit the Hollywood script out there and the media/social media script of a perfectly happy life. Plus, all my talking hasn't mentioned the fact that suffering is almost constant to some level. If we go around boasting that we are blessed then that denies the fact that every human experiences internal pressure that's mostly manageable everyday. Boasting about being blessed is itself a denial of the reality of human life. People do not live on a continuous mountain top experience but typically we live in the travel time moving up to the top but having to turn around and go back down to the valley and then back and forth with a once and awhile mountain top in there that doesn't last long. There are many in America and many more out in other countries that live most of their lives in the valley of life where they must look to God for comfort, provision, and help. Scripture tells us to glorify God when we are experiencing suffering (1 Peter 4:12-16). In other words, talk about how great God is and how He is working in you in the situation. Scripture also teaches that the rewards we are promised are in, GASP, heaven (Matthew 5:12). Scripture also teaches that Christians were each called TO suffering in Christ (1 Peter 2:21). Christians are asked to suffer FOR one another by giving up their lives for one another (1 John 3:16, John 15:13). The Bible teaches that all the creation was subjected to futility and groaning and that it will be when Christ returns that our joy will be made complete in Him (Romans 8:17-23). Scripture teaches that we will experience weakness and will need God (Romans 8:26). Christians have been promised in scripture to be misunderstood, persecuted, rejected, and to, gasp again, suffer for Christ but to be looking for consolation when and in Christ's return (1 Corinthians 4:12-14, 2 Corinthians 1:7). We are taught that because we will experience these heavy things we are to look to what is to come to enable us to not lose heart (2 Corinthians 4:1). The idea of doing certain things to be "blessed" or "cursed" appeared in the Old Testament Law. As we know none of us can keep ourselves totally pure in heart and behavior so we fall desperately short of the Law's demands and the criteria for "blessing" which then in effect makes us fit the requirements for a "cursing". In short, this is the whole reason we need Jesus. Not for a happy, prosperous life. Not so He can take away all our suffering. Not so we can walk around carefree and "blessed". We need Jesus because we break God's law everyday of our lives and because of this we are seperated from God and live with that on our consciences but not just a heavy conscience but according to scripture we are dead men and women without Jesus. Without Jesus's sacrifice fulfilling the requirements of the law we cannot receive the blessing of heaven and eternal life. Ray Comfort, a well known author and speaker teaches on this subject of the modern gospel message of happiness and prosperity as a myth. It is impossible to stay in Christ if we come to him in order to change our lives and get happier and more blessed. And if we believe that if we are in Christ we should be happy and blessed because that's what salvation brings then when life brings its realities of stress and suffering we may easily misrepresent what we are experiencing to our co-Christian friends or those outside of Christ because in essence we are defending our own belief that Christians are supposed to be happy darn it and our phony happieness is what somehow proves that Christians are better off and will ultimately attract non-believers to us and our faith! R-i-gh-t...the thing is people see right through that, or they should. If we tried to glorify God without revealing our suffering it wouldn't make any sense. It's a given then, to glorify God means to first reveal your suffering and then talk about who God is in it and where your faith will stand through it. I will never forget that comment from my small group friend. It imprinted such a strong emotional reaction in me that I know not to ever cause someone else to stumble because of those type of words. I hope I have given you something to think about as well and if you are a believer be sure to be careful of the words you speak and the doctrines you keep. Check out: God Has A Wonderful Plan For Your Life: The Myth of the Modern Message by Ray Comfort.

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The In-Between

Have you ever experienced the in-between? It's like being in a large building with many floors and existing only in the stairwell with no knowledge of what's behind any of the doors that you could possibly open. The other day, the director of the program I am interning at asked me what I plan to do once I finish my internship and graduate. I told him that I did not know because my original vision I had for what I was going to create with my education has slowly lost its life and expression in me and now I am in the in-between. The in-between...a place of insecurity and lack of direction. A place where I have many passions, a place where I can see so many populations who need support and help, a place where I can see so many injustices in the world around me, and a place where I have strong needs and desires for myself and my family as well. How do I know what direction to take? Maybe God is allowing me to stand back and see all the options so that I can choose who I want to invest my heart and my life in. Maybe the in-between is the deep breath, the calm before the storm. The storm being a new mission with new demands on my and my family's lives. Maybe this is time to re-group and be strengthened by God and the love of my family and friends. Honestly, I think that the in-between is a time for all of these wonderings but possibly more purposes than I am aware or can perceive. This makes me remember and smile about God. I am so glad that ultimately I do not have to worry about all the "why's" and the "what if's" and the "when's". He will take care of me. He knows my needs and has a mission for me. I must keep moving forward. I must keep praying, stay close to Him in relationship, and be faithful to my commitments. I must open every door until I open a door where something says "go in". I know God will lead me. He has never abandoned me in my struggles and I trust that He will be there in this one as He has been in the past.

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The Hurt and the Healer

This morning I felt hard and exhausted. My husband experienced a crisis a month ago and in that situation made some choices that were very damaging to the trust in our relationship. I have been trying to process my feelings since then. Our relationship is in a state of repair. Repair is slow and painful. There is a lot of soul searching that takes place and analysis of identity. I am also finishing my therapist training program and attempting to find a practicum/internship site that is in the direction I would like and feel the Lord is leading my life to go. Also, my husband is getting laid off in a month from his job. So as you can see we are experiencing a lot of stress. This morning I turned on worship music as I always do when I am spiritually and emotionally suffering and I listened to a song by Mercy Me called the Hurt and the Healer. Immediately a flood of tears came and I shed tears until my Kleenex was drenched with them. "Why", the song says. Here's what God answered my heart today and in my situation. Right now I am reading in Hebrews. Today, again, chapter 12 because each verse seems to drip for me with wisdom and the Lord's direction. Verse 2, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus...". Wow, is this ever hard to do when there is so much going on! How do I take my eyes off the thing or things I want, I lust for control over? Lust is a strong word, but I know I am not the only one who does not like suffering. In fact, most people habitually practice denial so they don't have to even acknowledge an area of pain, a thorn that causes suffering. That's a pretty strong desire/lust for control. What I know about this choice is, that thorn begins to fester and causes a much more drastic and systemic issue when it could have been acknowledged and removed. Oh, of course there is pain in the removal but its local pain that stays in the area of the hurt. Systemic pain, the pain of denial, spreads through our system of thoughts and values and beliefs about our world and the relationships in them. Honesty, that, brings suffering too and most often uncertainty. Oh how uncertainty makes us suffer when our eyes are not fixed on Jesus. Honestly, I still experience a level of the pain of uncertainty even when my eyes are fixed on Jesus, but with my eyes on Him I accept that I do not know and will not know, but He does. Learning to trust again. Learning to place my future and my identity in Him. When pain and suffering and loss or perceived loss is so real that it is hard to breathe I can turn my attention from this world and fix my eyes on Jesus and His unchanging nature and His deep and abiding love and acceptance of me. Verse 2, "...for the joy set before Him endured the cross...” After I have fixed my eyes on Jesus and I have allowed myself to suffer through my changes and growth I will receive my reward. It is not only the promise of eternal life but suffering will produce perseverance and perseverance will produce character and character will produce hope (Romans 5:2-4). And really, isn't it the return of our hope and joy that we crave when we are suffering? I try to escape from the painful process of healing but it is only in this process that I will ever find my hope and my joy returned to me! Jesus "sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:2). After His suffering he received His reward and His joy was complete! He understands us and our pain! Verse 3, "Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart". This world, our bodies, our minds, our relationships send constant opposition to the plan of simple joy. By simple joy I mean unearned joy. We would all desire to have joy that is not rooted in suffering. That kind of joy is like winning the lottery, I did nothing to get it, but sadly like the lottery because there is no attachment to it and process to possess it I will easily squandered it and then it is gone. Jesus suffered through us and suffered with us and suffered for us. He is to be our example. His reward was complete when he received his joy because that was his prize. Keeping it always in front of Him He endured this life, the preparation, the agonizing and humiliating moments and then the cross. As Christians our lives must mirror and will mirror His life. There will be opposition in the process of this life because that is what brings suffering and suffering in Christ is planned by God to end in joy. I am not saying that God has suffering planned but that God knows it will come especially if we are His and that what is planned is for Him to bring us through to our reward which is joy. He understands our weariness and weakness! And if that isn’t enough the writer of Hebrews reminds us in verse 4 “In your struggle against sin, you have not resisted to the point of shedding your blood”. Maybe someone reading this has experienced that level of persecution, pain, and suffering or knows someone who has. My pain is not physical but emotional, spiritual and most likely that’s your typical pain. This scripture reminds me to keep in mind I have not yet walked in Jesus’s shoes or suffered as He did. It could get worse? There’s something to thank Him for. Verse 5-6, “…do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves…” My pain, my struggle is over the giving away of ideas and demands that only work to benefit my pride and my sense of the way things should be. When life presents brokenness in one form or another it challenges me to allow God to enter into that brokenness and assist me to unravel it or hold my spiritual breath so to speak and harden my face and my heart to not have to allow Him to unravel it. In either case, unraveling means that He will open it up so that all the scary feelings and vulnerabilities are laid bare before Him. He will sit with me as long as it takes and He will discuss each one with me and together we will agree on the things He chooses to throw out and the things He chooses to keep. And when it’s done God will have shown mercy and I will have joy and I will sing, “I’m alive! Even though a part of me has died”. Mercy Me sings, “It's the moment when humanity, Is overcome by majesty, When grace is ushered in for good, And all our scars are understood, When mercy takes its rightful place, And all these questions fade away, When out of the weakness we must bow, And hear You say "It's over now"”! Sometimes this process happens once. Sometimes it happens over and over again. Sometimes it happens again and again in a single day depending upon the level of pride and the firmness of my grasp on what I believe I possess and will not let go of. No matter the case, God does not get tired or weary. He does not get impatient or angry. His purpose does not change and He is not willing to negotiate His will. He will be patient. He will be merciful. He will give grace and acceptance, but He will ask me and you to hand over what we were never meant to keep in return for joy. That kind of joy that doesn’t consume or demand or leave us owing something for it. It will be the joy we felt the moment we gave our hearts and our lives to Jesus the first time. The moment when the hurt and the healer collide.

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Suffering

Suffering. Who needs it anyway! Emotional agony, the unknown, how will I make it through? Somebody must be to blame! Why, has this happened? Where is God? Why is He so silent? Is He there? Has He abandoned me? The spiral.

When I am suffering, and I am right now, I want to do something. I want to make something move, but God seems to be the barrier. It's like He wants me to sit just a little longer before He steps in. It feels needless, pointless and yet I know there is a purpose too it. Recently, my family had a string of losses in which we just stood as everything that gave us security in this life began to crumble one by one around us. Our friends said, "This is an attack from Satan." Was it? I'm not as sure. I'm not sure who was responcible. I do know that this world is passing away and so is everything and everyone in it. We count on things being there for us and people being there for us when we should be counting on Jesus always being there. I'm not saying that we shouldn't count on one another, but if ever so slowly we move away from reliance upon God for our security and move into the place where God is just one of many things that make us secure we are in a very vulnerable place. What if our security blankets get lost or stolen, broken or used, corrupted or disengaged? What then? I think then, well then is when I begin hearing myself saying the opening paragraph in my heart. When I am caught up in a romance with people and things then I feel entitled to them and the loss of them is more than I can handle. I forget that they are lended to me until God wants them back or wants to give them to someone else. I pout to God. I start believing He must not love me because He won't give me what I want or let me keep what I have. Then, as I said before, I begin to think that if God won't do what I want I'll get it myself. Oh, I exert all kinds of force trying to get my way and all I do is tire and get weary, frustrated and have to give up anyway.

I think back of times before when I wasn't suffering (because suffering comes and goes in everyone's life), and I remember how I would see those who were suffering and maybe think "I wouldn't react to that situation with that attitude." Oh, how arrogant we are when things are going "good". When I suffer I begin to understand people better. I am more gentle and willing to yield. I slow down and begin to consider my life and the lives of others. Just a few weeks ago, my husband and I were talking with a man we had not seen in a year. He talked about how this last year had been so hard and his business had really struggled. We really empathised as our business has struggled also. Sharing togethor in our sufferings connected us with that person where there was no other connection. There was an opportunity for relationship where formerly there had been none. Now, I would never ask God to bring suffering. I'm no fool! I'll take the easy life any day as I'm sure any of you reading would, but when I suffer I need to believe that there is hope. Suffering without hope is... Hell. One of the big reasons I follow Jesus is so that I don't have to live in Hell here or when I am no longer here. Hopeless suffering is no longer my existence. My suffering, my losses have a goal. I may not like the goal, but it is there none the less...to get my attention, to teach me something that no other avenue could, to get my ears plugged in to Him and my eyes fixed on His every move. I believe God is an opportunistic father. He doesn't always bring trouble. Sometimes when we bring trouble His role is to bring the principle/s and the arms to run to for comfort. On-the-other-hand, sometimes God does bring trouble upon us and it is then it is not ours to sit in judgement of Him, but to trust that His ways are perfect and right and just and fair and in His character of love and grace He decided that it was merciful to wound us so that He could heal us.

If your heart aches today, cry out to God. Don't shut Him out. Don't fall for the lie that He is mean and cruel. Satan wants us to be intimidated into silence! Stand...Stand for Jesus! Don't be afraid. If God is for you who can be against you! Nothing can seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus! Will we accept good from God's hand and not trouble? No, God has wounded, but He will heal! Blessed be the name of the Lord! AMEN.

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God Does Not Share His Glory With Another

Have you heard Natalie Grant's new song? "Who is that", you say? Only one of the most prolific Christian song artists and activists of our time! Anyway, her new song "The Greatness of Our God" has a prophetic message for God's church in our day. Here are the Lyrics:

Give me eyes to see the more of who you are.
May what I behold
still my anxious heart.
Take what I have known and break it all apart.
For you my God... are greater still.

And no sky contains no doubt restrains all you are the greatness of our God!
I'll spend my life to know
and I'm far from close to all
you are the greatness of our God.

Give me grace to see beyond this moment here.
To believe that there is nothing left to fear.
That you alone are high above it all.
And you my God are greater still...

And no sky contains no doubt restrains all you are the greatness of our God!
I'll spend my life to know
and I'm far from close to all
you are the greatness of our God.

And there is nothing that could ever separate us,
no there is nothing that could ever separate us from your love.
No life, no death,
of this I am convinced,
you my God are greater still..

And no words could say,
or song convey all you are the greatness of our God I'll spend my life to know
and I'm far from close to all you are the greatness of our God

And no sky contains no doubt restrains all you are the greatness of our God!
I'll spend my life to know
and I'm far from close to all
you are the greatness of our God

Nice, right? I had heard this song many times and never really heard it until the other day. I had bought a new compilation CD with this song on it and I was excited to hear Natalie's new song. I've been such a big fan since I saw her in person at a Women of Faith Conference in Minnesota quite a few years ago. She has such a heart for women and for bringing God's message to His people. But I listened the first time and kind of shrugged it off. I thought, "That wasn't all that great." My next thought was, "Why don't I hear the message in this? The words are there but the message is hidden from me." I shrugged it off and let it go and went on with my life, my rat race. But that's just it! It's my life! Mine! And no one I know has fought harder than I have to have a life.

This story began back in 2000. "My" life was a train wreck. I was facing an unwanted divorce. I was losing my house. I had a career that was not going anywhere. My family and I had no kind of relationship. I had no friends. I was alone and miserable. I was suffering so severly because I knew I had chosen this path and here I was. At some point I had forgotten that truth I realized as a small girl that I wanted to live FOR Jesus. Meaning it was no longer "my" life but "His" life to work through to accomplish "His" goals. This life I had was all I could do in my strength. Destruction. I had given my life to Jesus as a little girl and He had taken that seriously and I had not. I was 25 now. I looked backwards in my mind and all I saw were skeletons and empty spaces. All I heard were the voices of condemnation from all my mistakes. I looked forward in my mind and I could see nothing. My sight was blocked. It all ended if I stayed on this track. I was broken. There was nowhere else to go. I turned back to God and said, "OK! I've tried it all. I've done it all and none of it works! You are the only thing I have not tried." At the time I believed that was true. I had walked the low road of life. I had seen every wretched thing one could see there and done every wretched thing one could do there. Atleast I thought. But God knew I had never walked the clean life, the "normal" life path yet. There would be many more areas of pride to uncover. Many more temptations to be offered to my heart throught this other world. First, "She learns". God chose to reveal His grace to me and I was changed, sold out to Him. I told Him that my life was His for the using. I would go where He wanted me to go and say what He wanted me to say. I told Him I would no longer speak apart from His will. I wanted Him to be woven into the very fabric of who I was becoming so that I could begin to see life again. The next five years of my life were an amazing time with the Holy Spirit teaching and leading. Near the end of that time I met my current husband. We decided to get married and a new life sprang up in my prepared garden soil. I thought we would go on happily, hands swinging singing worship songs togethor and then go into ministry. We would have children and it would be a peice of cake and I was strong enough to never be really tempted again. We would continue in ministry and personal healing without resistance or roadblocks and then our children would grow up and become great people of God and we would sail of into the retirement community content and full. Well, that really was my plan. Unspoken ofcourse. That was my expectation of God. Remember back when I had given my life to Christ and told Him He could do with it what He so chose? What had I done? Had I only dreamed of surrendering my life to Him so that He could fill my time till something better came along? In my ignorance for whatever my motivation I began to have a plan that was mine again. It started with an appetite. One that I was not willing to acknowledge to myself or anyone else. It layed in wait deep in the recesses of my heart for the right moment to strike and then when I was in the right situation it began to seductively creep, inch and slither its way to the surface. It was smart. It's name was "Pride". It's desire for being on top, being in control, being recognized and being wanted was insatiable. It began with a thought which felt good that rooted itself in an attitude. Then it was attitude that took form in my beliefs. My beliefs began to come out in words. Those words had to be justified by behaviors and my behaviors, well they lead to a new thought. With each thought cycle over and over, deeper and deeper I waided out into the river of me and soon I was no longer touching bottum. I had gone to far from the righteous realization that my life, my heart, my thoughts, my attitudes, my gifts or abilities all were given to me in order to be on mission with God in my world. It was to be used to bring people to Jesus not serve my wicked lust for acknowledgement or to feel like, "yah, I am awesome at this!" Soon years had passed. I woke up one day and looked back over my again miserable existance. I saw the years of struggle in my marriage and with my small children. I saw the clammering to get to the top in my career. I saw the accusations I had said to God about why I was not where I wanted to be in my life, why nothing was ever enough for me. I had not heard Him speak to me in so long and my heart was desperate to hear from Him once again. I saw what I had done in my pursuit to "get a life". I heard Him begin to whisper to come back to Him. He said, come to me. Read my book. Pray to Me. I will meet with you." So I went and bought a Bible study. I was intent when I went to the store I would buy nothing unless I felt the witness of the Holy Spirit. In my private time I had been begging God to show me my purpose again. I could not see the future as it had been in my past. I was in a very scary place. My attention was drawn to a study named "Called and Accountable" by Henry Blackaby. This was the one. I went home and began it the next morning. I was confronted with the question, "Do you think God wants to use your life to accomplish His purposes?" YES! YES! YES! Ofcourse I wanted to believe that. And of course He does. And then this, "However, there are times when God looks for someone to use, but does not find anyone who is willing or living in a way that God could trust them with His work." The finger of guilt was pointed right at me. I knew my secret sin. I knew what I was after. Why would God trust me with His thing when I always tried to make it mine? Then I was confronted with the scripture of God calling Ezekiel as a "watchman" for His people. "Maybe you are recognizing that you have not been a faithful watchperson where God has placed you. Stop and spend time asking God to forgive you and release your life to be used by Him for His purposes today." This was it. The heart of the matter. God had stopped me at every turn. Everything I tried came to nothing in its end. I had a purse with a gaping hole in the bottum. I had committed my life to Him and ministry all those years ago and here I was entrenched in the "cares of this world". It was all mine now. My plans, my money, my kids, my husband, my church, my gifts, my knowledge. I mouthed the words that God did this and God did that and God in His mercy did do things and accomplish things in, through and around me but I accomplished a lot too on my own and I took the credit in my heart for most of what I saw Him do. And honestly in panic and self reliance I made choices of where to live and where to work and when to do things and when to not based on my own discretion. I'd "pray" but really I intended to do what would make me feel the best. What I was the most comfortable with. I didn't really want to hear what God wanted because that may not even be in my decision pool. I wanted God to release me to serve Him again but He wanted me to know that I would be serving Him not serving me and that meant me not having some set agenda for the rest of my life. At this I was broken. I wept and felt exposed. God saw me and I felt loved not rejected. He was big again and I was so small. I was put back in my place and that's where I wanted to be all along.

You see, God will not share His glory with anyone. We Christians think that we really have God fooled because we think we really have the world fooled. No one is fooled by our pretentious lives. We go where they go. We are entertained by what they are entertained by. We set goals how the world tells us to. We get degrees in areas we think will make money or be sufficient for a lifetime. We run our churches the way they run their businesses. We listen to their music in our "ministries". We change our names because it will be more appetizing to the world. We create processes that are so similar to the world's processes that going into a Christian clinic can feel like going to any average medical clinic. We even treat one another like the world treats each other. The Bible says "By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”(John 13:35) We compromise! And we do it because at some point we are tempted away in our hearts with something the world has that we have wanted or thought all along. Something that we have never brought under submission to Jesus and His call to serve him with our lives. I am not preaching being some fanatical, cave dwelling anarchist. I am saying that we, I , all of us follow our own way. "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death."(Prov 16:25) By death does the author mean actual heart stopping, no pulse, brain dead death? Maybe, but I think that it would be more sufficiently explained by saying a spiritual death. Maybe it's a life that was once impassioned and now only duty. Maybe it's a ministry that once was doing the real work of changing lives and now has the reputation of what once was and is just keeping people coming back so everyone keeps their jobs. Maybe it is a relationship with Christ that was once alive and active and now is swept into a corner and feels like a burden. Maybe it is a person who couldn't believe that God really meant He was going to send them into ministry and waiting meant they were being a fool for their belief so they chucked that and went to work for just some place and forgot God's call. "Death" is the storyline WE write that is specific to our life. But it always leaves us with the same realization that we are going our own way and we were created for something greater and purer and something that has eternal significance. God is writing a story and if we want to be part of it we must not try to take the pen from the writer's hand. We are on mission with Him in our world. His mission. His plan. His call.

An illustration from "Called and Accountable". This man's name was John. He was a "personal bodyguard for a member of a high profile family in Texas. Ealier in John's life he had sensed a call to missions and ministry, but through the years he had wandered away from God and was not serving as God intended. Through circumstances out of John's control, he was falsely accused of some things and demoted to sitting in a guard shack outside of one of the family's homes. During this time he had the option to become angry, but instead he looked to God for understanding. God assured John that the call to be on mission had not changed after all the wasted years. John released his life to the Lord and renewed his comitment to the call. Within a short time a ministry contacted John to serve by working with boys and men. Today, John travels the country working with churches, calling men back to their relationship with God. To talk to him is to hear a heart that loves to serve the lord and help men and boys. To look over his life is to see that God had never released him from the call and was working in his life to cause him to will and want to follow God's claim on his life."(pg53)

If you have written the first few chapters of your story, stop and let God tell you the rest. Let Him lead you. Obey His voice. Wait on Him. Wait. Don't compromise any longer. Search your heart, your beliefs and your values. Acknowledge where you are at today. Let Him refresh you and restore you to Himself and then follow Him. Let Him finish the story. Let Him be the hero in your story. God will not share His glory with another.

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