The Hurt and the Healer

This morning I felt hard and exhausted. My husband experienced a crisis a month ago and in that situation made some choices that were very damaging to the trust in our relationship. I have been trying to process my feelings since then. Our relationship is in a state of repair. Repair is slow and painful. There is a lot of soul searching that takes place and analysis of identity. I am also finishing my therapist training program and attempting to find a practicum/internship site that is in the direction I would like and feel the Lord is leading my life to go. Also, my husband is getting laid off in a month from his job. So as you can see we are experiencing a lot of stress. This morning I turned on worship music as I always do when I am spiritually and emotionally suffering and I listened to a song by Mercy Me called the Hurt and the Healer. Immediately a flood of tears came and I shed tears until my Kleenex was drenched with them. "Why", the song says. Here's what God answered my heart today and in my situation. Right now I am reading in Hebrews. Today, again, chapter 12 because each verse seems to drip for me with wisdom and the Lord's direction. Verse 2, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus...". Wow, is this ever hard to do when there is so much going on! How do I take my eyes off the thing or things I want, I lust for control over? Lust is a strong word, but I know I am not the only one who does not like suffering. In fact, most people habitually practice denial so they don't have to even acknowledge an area of pain, a thorn that causes suffering. That's a pretty strong desire/lust for control. What I know about this choice is, that thorn begins to fester and causes a much more drastic and systemic issue when it could have been acknowledged and removed. Oh, of course there is pain in the removal but its local pain that stays in the area of the hurt. Systemic pain, the pain of denial, spreads through our system of thoughts and values and beliefs about our world and the relationships in them. Honesty, that, brings suffering too and most often uncertainty. Oh how uncertainty makes us suffer when our eyes are not fixed on Jesus. Honestly, I still experience a level of the pain of uncertainty even when my eyes are fixed on Jesus, but with my eyes on Him I accept that I do not know and will not know, but He does. Learning to trust again. Learning to place my future and my identity in Him. When pain and suffering and loss or perceived loss is so real that it is hard to breathe I can turn my attention from this world and fix my eyes on Jesus and His unchanging nature and His deep and abiding love and acceptance of me. Verse 2, "...for the joy set before Him endured the cross...” After I have fixed my eyes on Jesus and I have allowed myself to suffer through my changes and growth I will receive my reward. It is not only the promise of eternal life but suffering will produce perseverance and perseverance will produce character and character will produce hope (Romans 5:2-4). And really, isn't it the return of our hope and joy that we crave when we are suffering? I try to escape from the painful process of healing but it is only in this process that I will ever find my hope and my joy returned to me! Jesus "sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:2). After His suffering he received His reward and His joy was complete! He understands us and our pain! Verse 3, "Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart". This world, our bodies, our minds, our relationships send constant opposition to the plan of simple joy. By simple joy I mean unearned joy. We would all desire to have joy that is not rooted in suffering. That kind of joy is like winning the lottery, I did nothing to get it, but sadly like the lottery because there is no attachment to it and process to possess it I will easily squandered it and then it is gone. Jesus suffered through us and suffered with us and suffered for us. He is to be our example. His reward was complete when he received his joy because that was his prize. Keeping it always in front of Him He endured this life, the preparation, the agonizing and humiliating moments and then the cross. As Christians our lives must mirror and will mirror His life. There will be opposition in the process of this life because that is what brings suffering and suffering in Christ is planned by God to end in joy. I am not saying that God has suffering planned but that God knows it will come especially if we are His and that what is planned is for Him to bring us through to our reward which is joy. He understands our weariness and weakness! And if that isn’t enough the writer of Hebrews reminds us in verse 4 “In your struggle against sin, you have not resisted to the point of shedding your blood”. Maybe someone reading this has experienced that level of persecution, pain, and suffering or knows someone who has. My pain is not physical but emotional, spiritual and most likely that’s your typical pain. This scripture reminds me to keep in mind I have not yet walked in Jesus’s shoes or suffered as He did. It could get worse? There’s something to thank Him for. Verse 5-6, “…do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves…” My pain, my struggle is over the giving away of ideas and demands that only work to benefit my pride and my sense of the way things should be. When life presents brokenness in one form or another it challenges me to allow God to enter into that brokenness and assist me to unravel it or hold my spiritual breath so to speak and harden my face and my heart to not have to allow Him to unravel it. In either case, unraveling means that He will open it up so that all the scary feelings and vulnerabilities are laid bare before Him. He will sit with me as long as it takes and He will discuss each one with me and together we will agree on the things He chooses to throw out and the things He chooses to keep. And when it’s done God will have shown mercy and I will have joy and I will sing, “I’m alive! Even though a part of me has died”. Mercy Me sings, “It's the moment when humanity, Is overcome by majesty, When grace is ushered in for good, And all our scars are understood, When mercy takes its rightful place, And all these questions fade away, When out of the weakness we must bow, And hear You say "It's over now"”! Sometimes this process happens once. Sometimes it happens over and over again. Sometimes it happens again and again in a single day depending upon the level of pride and the firmness of my grasp on what I believe I possess and will not let go of. No matter the case, God does not get tired or weary. He does not get impatient or angry. His purpose does not change and He is not willing to negotiate His will. He will be patient. He will be merciful. He will give grace and acceptance, but He will ask me and you to hand over what we were never meant to keep in return for joy. That kind of joy that doesn’t consume or demand or leave us owing something for it. It will be the joy we felt the moment we gave our hearts and our lives to Jesus the first time. The moment when the hurt and the healer collide.

http://www.truthliveshere.net/

Suffering

Suffering. Who needs it anyway! Emotional agony, the unknown, how will I make it through? Somebody must be to blame! Why, has this happened? Where is God? Why is He so silent? Is He there? Has He abandoned me? The spiral.

When I am suffering, and I am right now, I want to do something. I want to make something move, but God seems to be the barrier. It's like He wants me to sit just a little longer before He steps in. It feels needless, pointless and yet I know there is a purpose too it. Recently, my family had a string of losses in which we just stood as everything that gave us security in this life began to crumble one by one around us. Our friends said, "This is an attack from Satan." Was it? I'm not as sure. I'm not sure who was responcible. I do know that this world is passing away and so is everything and everyone in it. We count on things being there for us and people being there for us when we should be counting on Jesus always being there. I'm not saying that we shouldn't count on one another, but if ever so slowly we move away from reliance upon God for our security and move into the place where God is just one of many things that make us secure we are in a very vulnerable place. What if our security blankets get lost or stolen, broken or used, corrupted or disengaged? What then? I think then, well then is when I begin hearing myself saying the opening paragraph in my heart. When I am caught up in a romance with people and things then I feel entitled to them and the loss of them is more than I can handle. I forget that they are lended to me until God wants them back or wants to give them to someone else. I pout to God. I start believing He must not love me because He won't give me what I want or let me keep what I have. Then, as I said before, I begin to think that if God won't do what I want I'll get it myself. Oh, I exert all kinds of force trying to get my way and all I do is tire and get weary, frustrated and have to give up anyway.

I think back of times before when I wasn't suffering (because suffering comes and goes in everyone's life), and I remember how I would see those who were suffering and maybe think "I wouldn't react to that situation with that attitude." Oh, how arrogant we are when things are going "good". When I suffer I begin to understand people better. I am more gentle and willing to yield. I slow down and begin to consider my life and the lives of others. Just a few weeks ago, my husband and I were talking with a man we had not seen in a year. He talked about how this last year had been so hard and his business had really struggled. We really empathised as our business has struggled also. Sharing togethor in our sufferings connected us with that person where there was no other connection. There was an opportunity for relationship where formerly there had been none. Now, I would never ask God to bring suffering. I'm no fool! I'll take the easy life any day as I'm sure any of you reading would, but when I suffer I need to believe that there is hope. Suffering without hope is... Hell. One of the big reasons I follow Jesus is so that I don't have to live in Hell here or when I am no longer here. Hopeless suffering is no longer my existence. My suffering, my losses have a goal. I may not like the goal, but it is there none the less...to get my attention, to teach me something that no other avenue could, to get my ears plugged in to Him and my eyes fixed on His every move. I believe God is an opportunistic father. He doesn't always bring trouble. Sometimes when we bring trouble His role is to bring the principle/s and the arms to run to for comfort. On-the-other-hand, sometimes God does bring trouble upon us and it is then it is not ours to sit in judgement of Him, but to trust that His ways are perfect and right and just and fair and in His character of love and grace He decided that it was merciful to wound us so that He could heal us.

If your heart aches today, cry out to God. Don't shut Him out. Don't fall for the lie that He is mean and cruel. Satan wants us to be intimidated into silence! Stand...Stand for Jesus! Don't be afraid. If God is for you who can be against you! Nothing can seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus! Will we accept good from God's hand and not trouble? No, God has wounded, but He will heal! Blessed be the name of the Lord! AMEN.

http://www.truthliveshere.net/

God Does Not Share His Glory With Another

Have you heard Natalie Grant's new song? "Who is that", you say? Only one of the most prolific Christian song artists and activists of our time! Anyway, her new song "The Greatness of Our God" has a prophetic message for God's church in our day. Here are the Lyrics:

Give me eyes to see the more of who you are.
May what I behold
still my anxious heart.
Take what I have known and break it all apart.
For you my God... are greater still.

And no sky contains no doubt restrains all you are the greatness of our God!
I'll spend my life to know
and I'm far from close to all
you are the greatness of our God.

Give me grace to see beyond this moment here.
To believe that there is nothing left to fear.
That you alone are high above it all.
And you my God are greater still...

And no sky contains no doubt restrains all you are the greatness of our God!
I'll spend my life to know
and I'm far from close to all
you are the greatness of our God.

And there is nothing that could ever separate us,
no there is nothing that could ever separate us from your love.
No life, no death,
of this I am convinced,
you my God are greater still..

And no words could say,
or song convey all you are the greatness of our God I'll spend my life to know
and I'm far from close to all you are the greatness of our God

And no sky contains no doubt restrains all you are the greatness of our God!
I'll spend my life to know
and I'm far from close to all
you are the greatness of our God

Nice, right? I had heard this song many times and never really heard it until the other day. I had bought a new compilation CD with this song on it and I was excited to hear Natalie's new song. I've been such a big fan since I saw her in person at a Women of Faith Conference in Minnesota quite a few years ago. She has such a heart for women and for bringing God's message to His people. But I listened the first time and kind of shrugged it off. I thought, "That wasn't all that great." My next thought was, "Why don't I hear the message in this? The words are there but the message is hidden from me." I shrugged it off and let it go and went on with my life, my rat race. But that's just it! It's my life! Mine! And no one I know has fought harder than I have to have a life.

This story began back in 2000. "My" life was a train wreck. I was facing an unwanted divorce. I was losing my house. I had a career that was not going anywhere. My family and I had no kind of relationship. I had no friends. I was alone and miserable. I was suffering so severly because I knew I had chosen this path and here I was. At some point I had forgotten that truth I realized as a small girl that I wanted to live FOR Jesus. Meaning it was no longer "my" life but "His" life to work through to accomplish "His" goals. This life I had was all I could do in my strength. Destruction. I had given my life to Jesus as a little girl and He had taken that seriously and I had not. I was 25 now. I looked backwards in my mind and all I saw were skeletons and empty spaces. All I heard were the voices of condemnation from all my mistakes. I looked forward in my mind and I could see nothing. My sight was blocked. It all ended if I stayed on this track. I was broken. There was nowhere else to go. I turned back to God and said, "OK! I've tried it all. I've done it all and none of it works! You are the only thing I have not tried." At the time I believed that was true. I had walked the low road of life. I had seen every wretched thing one could see there and done every wretched thing one could do there. Atleast I thought. But God knew I had never walked the clean life, the "normal" life path yet. There would be many more areas of pride to uncover. Many more temptations to be offered to my heart throught this other world. First, "She learns". God chose to reveal His grace to me and I was changed, sold out to Him. I told Him that my life was His for the using. I would go where He wanted me to go and say what He wanted me to say. I told Him I would no longer speak apart from His will. I wanted Him to be woven into the very fabric of who I was becoming so that I could begin to see life again. The next five years of my life were an amazing time with the Holy Spirit teaching and leading. Near the end of that time I met my current husband. We decided to get married and a new life sprang up in my prepared garden soil. I thought we would go on happily, hands swinging singing worship songs togethor and then go into ministry. We would have children and it would be a peice of cake and I was strong enough to never be really tempted again. We would continue in ministry and personal healing without resistance or roadblocks and then our children would grow up and become great people of God and we would sail of into the retirement community content and full. Well, that really was my plan. Unspoken ofcourse. That was my expectation of God. Remember back when I had given my life to Christ and told Him He could do with it what He so chose? What had I done? Had I only dreamed of surrendering my life to Him so that He could fill my time till something better came along? In my ignorance for whatever my motivation I began to have a plan that was mine again. It started with an appetite. One that I was not willing to acknowledge to myself or anyone else. It layed in wait deep in the recesses of my heart for the right moment to strike and then when I was in the right situation it began to seductively creep, inch and slither its way to the surface. It was smart. It's name was "Pride". It's desire for being on top, being in control, being recognized and being wanted was insatiable. It began with a thought which felt good that rooted itself in an attitude. Then it was attitude that took form in my beliefs. My beliefs began to come out in words. Those words had to be justified by behaviors and my behaviors, well they lead to a new thought. With each thought cycle over and over, deeper and deeper I waided out into the river of me and soon I was no longer touching bottum. I had gone to far from the righteous realization that my life, my heart, my thoughts, my attitudes, my gifts or abilities all were given to me in order to be on mission with God in my world. It was to be used to bring people to Jesus not serve my wicked lust for acknowledgement or to feel like, "yah, I am awesome at this!" Soon years had passed. I woke up one day and looked back over my again miserable existance. I saw the years of struggle in my marriage and with my small children. I saw the clammering to get to the top in my career. I saw the accusations I had said to God about why I was not where I wanted to be in my life, why nothing was ever enough for me. I had not heard Him speak to me in so long and my heart was desperate to hear from Him once again. I saw what I had done in my pursuit to "get a life". I heard Him begin to whisper to come back to Him. He said, come to me. Read my book. Pray to Me. I will meet with you." So I went and bought a Bible study. I was intent when I went to the store I would buy nothing unless I felt the witness of the Holy Spirit. In my private time I had been begging God to show me my purpose again. I could not see the future as it had been in my past. I was in a very scary place. My attention was drawn to a study named "Called and Accountable" by Henry Blackaby. This was the one. I went home and began it the next morning. I was confronted with the question, "Do you think God wants to use your life to accomplish His purposes?" YES! YES! YES! Ofcourse I wanted to believe that. And of course He does. And then this, "However, there are times when God looks for someone to use, but does not find anyone who is willing or living in a way that God could trust them with His work." The finger of guilt was pointed right at me. I knew my secret sin. I knew what I was after. Why would God trust me with His thing when I always tried to make it mine? Then I was confronted with the scripture of God calling Ezekiel as a "watchman" for His people. "Maybe you are recognizing that you have not been a faithful watchperson where God has placed you. Stop and spend time asking God to forgive you and release your life to be used by Him for His purposes today." This was it. The heart of the matter. God had stopped me at every turn. Everything I tried came to nothing in its end. I had a purse with a gaping hole in the bottum. I had committed my life to Him and ministry all those years ago and here I was entrenched in the "cares of this world". It was all mine now. My plans, my money, my kids, my husband, my church, my gifts, my knowledge. I mouthed the words that God did this and God did that and God in His mercy did do things and accomplish things in, through and around me but I accomplished a lot too on my own and I took the credit in my heart for most of what I saw Him do. And honestly in panic and self reliance I made choices of where to live and where to work and when to do things and when to not based on my own discretion. I'd "pray" but really I intended to do what would make me feel the best. What I was the most comfortable with. I didn't really want to hear what God wanted because that may not even be in my decision pool. I wanted God to release me to serve Him again but He wanted me to know that I would be serving Him not serving me and that meant me not having some set agenda for the rest of my life. At this I was broken. I wept and felt exposed. God saw me and I felt loved not rejected. He was big again and I was so small. I was put back in my place and that's where I wanted to be all along.

You see, God will not share His glory with anyone. We Christians think that we really have God fooled because we think we really have the world fooled. No one is fooled by our pretentious lives. We go where they go. We are entertained by what they are entertained by. We set goals how the world tells us to. We get degrees in areas we think will make money or be sufficient for a lifetime. We run our churches the way they run their businesses. We listen to their music in our "ministries". We change our names because it will be more appetizing to the world. We create processes that are so similar to the world's processes that going into a Christian clinic can feel like going to any average medical clinic. We even treat one another like the world treats each other. The Bible says "By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”(John 13:35) We compromise! And we do it because at some point we are tempted away in our hearts with something the world has that we have wanted or thought all along. Something that we have never brought under submission to Jesus and His call to serve him with our lives. I am not preaching being some fanatical, cave dwelling anarchist. I am saying that we, I , all of us follow our own way. "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death."(Prov 16:25) By death does the author mean actual heart stopping, no pulse, brain dead death? Maybe, but I think that it would be more sufficiently explained by saying a spiritual death. Maybe it's a life that was once impassioned and now only duty. Maybe it's a ministry that once was doing the real work of changing lives and now has the reputation of what once was and is just keeping people coming back so everyone keeps their jobs. Maybe it is a relationship with Christ that was once alive and active and now is swept into a corner and feels like a burden. Maybe it is a person who couldn't believe that God really meant He was going to send them into ministry and waiting meant they were being a fool for their belief so they chucked that and went to work for just some place and forgot God's call. "Death" is the storyline WE write that is specific to our life. But it always leaves us with the same realization that we are going our own way and we were created for something greater and purer and something that has eternal significance. God is writing a story and if we want to be part of it we must not try to take the pen from the writer's hand. We are on mission with Him in our world. His mission. His plan. His call.

An illustration from "Called and Accountable". This man's name was John. He was a "personal bodyguard for a member of a high profile family in Texas. Ealier in John's life he had sensed a call to missions and ministry, but through the years he had wandered away from God and was not serving as God intended. Through circumstances out of John's control, he was falsely accused of some things and demoted to sitting in a guard shack outside of one of the family's homes. During this time he had the option to become angry, but instead he looked to God for understanding. God assured John that the call to be on mission had not changed after all the wasted years. John released his life to the Lord and renewed his comitment to the call. Within a short time a ministry contacted John to serve by working with boys and men. Today, John travels the country working with churches, calling men back to their relationship with God. To talk to him is to hear a heart that loves to serve the lord and help men and boys. To look over his life is to see that God had never released him from the call and was working in his life to cause him to will and want to follow God's claim on his life."(pg53)

If you have written the first few chapters of your story, stop and let God tell you the rest. Let Him lead you. Obey His voice. Wait on Him. Wait. Don't compromise any longer. Search your heart, your beliefs and your values. Acknowledge where you are at today. Let Him refresh you and restore you to Himself and then follow Him. Let Him finish the story. Let Him be the hero in your story. God will not share His glory with another.

http://www.truthliveshere.net/

Purpose

Have you ever lost your purpose? "What kind of question is that", you ask. Well, have you ever woke up some morning and wondered what you were doing with your life or where you were suppose to be going with it? I have. I mean, I have been there. This is a very scary and insecure feeling. It's like I could not seem to grasp anything real meaningful. I lost perspective. The perspective of passion and zealous conviction. Even if I would go and serve in a meaningful role helping a hurting person or counseling, still I found no pleasure in it. My purpose had been stolen by the pain of betrayal, deception and persecution.

Think back in your life. When have you felt the greatest sense of purpose? There were two times in my adult life when I felt a real burden of purpose. When I gave my life to Jesus at 25, I felt I must share with anyone who would listen of the freedom I had received in Christ. When I was 33, The Lord called me into service to those who have lived the same traumatic experiences I have lived. Everyday I would wake with an excitement in the pit of my gut because I knew that in that day God was going to do something great in my life. He did. Whether it was in prayer time, a phone call, a client in office or a community connection Jesus, was very material in my life. The original sense of purpose in my Christian faith has not wained. Oh, I have gotten distracted at times by jobs and kids and husband. Ok, and money a time or two but never has the flame of love and desire to preach the gospel ever burned out in my heart. The purpose to help trauma victims did however. Sad. I mean, it is sad how when the Lord calls us to something great there will always be an attack launched against us in order to stop us from bringing the message of freedom to others.

When the attack starts we are in that "googoo eyed" state with Jesus. He called me so I can take whatever the enemy dishes out, right? Have you ever been in an attack that went on for a long, long time? You finnally start to realize that you are getting wore down and tired and you need a break in the battle or to win the battle or you are going to just quit. Well that was me. It was literally a reliving of the story of Nehemiah when he was trying to get the people of Israel to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. They had resistance from within and resistance from without and the people were complaining and quarreling and were afraid. Nehemiah finnally told the people, “Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, great and awesome, and fight for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.' Those who built on the wall, and those who carried burdens, loaded themselves so that with one hand they worked at construction, and with the other held a weapon."(Nehemiah 4:14-17) With one hand so-to-speak I worked with my clients, my community and my colleagues. With the other hand so-to-speak I had to try to defend my reputation, my character and my actions from accusation and attack. The work was fulfilling and I could see every day God's work through me in the lives of many hurting children, women and men. The infrastructure in which I had to accomplish this work was steeped in cynicism, selfish agendas, beaurocracy and one barrier after another. I went in expecting that the system would work with someone who really wanted to make a change in people's lives. I believed that everyone who did that kind of work did it out of love and empathy for another fellow sufferer. Not so. I found that people were in my profession for a whole host of reasons and few of which were love, empathy or a desire to help people really find a way to change and heal. Because of this I became disillusioned with the work, the call I received to help those who are wounded. I became disillusioned with a system that I believed in and with groups of people I thought purposed to empower others but in reality were fueled by anger and competition. It is because of this I lost my purpose. I felt that if those who could support me and propel me forward would not then it would be impossible to accomplish my purpose. It was to them business as usual.

In the end I was undone by the anger and competetive spirit. I left with very little. Mostly, what I could carry in my memory and what I had learned from my clients, their cases and educational experiences. I was emotionally battered and torn, but I had been changed as a person. I came there to usher in change for others and they changed me. I now knew what real pain and suffering really were. I now really loved them. Their brokenness did not allow me to keep my self-satisfied image, my neat little portrayal of myself. Their brokenness demanded humanity, understanding, empathy, and for me to be a real person not just a smiling, nodding head. I wanted to lay down my life-my time, my heart, my energy, my resources in order to serve them and comfort them. Now I knew that in order to make a difference in the lives of the broken I must do it God's way not the world's way.

My purpose was to serve those wounded by trauma and help them but they helped me. They helped me to see what God saw not this nice, neet little package that some office professional could serve me. Now my purpose has changed. I thought I would serve those emotionally, physically and spiritually ravaged by abuse and neglect. I thought that if I found some program to work through that I could help people but now I know that healing and recovery come through the redemptive power of Jesus Christ.

What I will do is show the love of God to each and every person who the Lord sends me. I will meet them in their humanity so that they are not alone in their suffering so that they know that God has not forgotten them or rejected them and that there is hope.

"Yet in spite of this I did not demand the governor’s provisions, because the bondage was heavy on this people. Remember me, my God, for good, according to all that I have done for this people."(Nehemiah 5:18-19.)

http://www.truthliveshere.net/

Love One Another

Love. What is it? Is it a feeling, an act, a perception, an image? In our country (US), "love" as defined by Hollywood is in most images we see that depict our current culture. In doing an image search under the word "love" I found images of hearts and lots of hearts. I found animals mating, women who were naked and in sexualized poses and men and women being intimate. Searching magazine images for "love" was much worse. Image after image of women who appeared to be in the process of masterbation or sexual arrousal. Hollywood love produces images of happy, smiling couples. Which is it? Hearts, mating animals, a masterbating woman or a smiling couple with seemingly no worries? It is none of these!

The word "love" has been used in our pop music to describe a fantasy world where people all just live in harmony with one another. "Love" in music has also been described as: puppy love, a vice/compulsive, keeps us togethor, your smile, thoughts of another, endless, partner's body, will go on & on, a faithful promise, makes a person crazy, a heart breaker, a confession of it, a fantasy, lifting higher, etc. In some rap songs "love" was described as taking a peice of a girl, being lost like a homework excuse, chilling with no makeup on, ecstacy's explosion and making a brother feel like something. A web search for love songs will not bring up songs of faith, responcibility and commitment. It will however bring up every steemy song that has ever been written by an empty, lust struck romantic. Don't get me wrong, sex is a wonderful gift but is sex love? Is our sexualized culture really teaching love? Romance can fill the heart with joy,excitement and anticipation but, is that love?

Young people get married every day in the name of it and then soon we find out they are divorcing. Was that love? What is "love" anyway?

I am brought to this subject because so often I hear people talk about loving someone or showing love to someone and I wonder if they really know what that means. In my own life "love" was first defined in the ways I stated above. I had an idealistic view of what I wanted love to be. I wanted it to meet all my emotional, psychological and sexual needs. Also, I thought love was meant to always feel good and never tell me I am wrong or I need to change. Love should never make me uncomfortable or stretch me. I thought that I should have been able to take whatever I wanted and there should be no bottum to the metaphorical purse. Through my life some people I have met have at some point in the relationship said "I love you". Then the relationship ended. It was at these points I wondered, "If they love me why can't they find a way to communicate? Why won't they find a way to compromise? Why are they valuing their pride more than our relationship?" In the majority of my experiences with broken relationships these questions did not get answered and sometimes I found that it was me who was not communicating, compromising and valuing. This brought me to the place where I began to question what "love" really is and does anyone really know?

If you have read my blog before you will know that I am a Christian. I have not always been faithful to my beliefs as I am now. I share my insights, failures and my journey in order to let you know that I am in the process of development with you. With this said, I discovered the truth about love in the Bible. I had heard scriptures about love on and off growing up so when I began to wonder if anyone knew what love really is I went looking in scripture. Here is what I found.

"And now I [Paul] will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but I have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I posess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 12:31-13:8

"...Love your neighbor as yourself." Leviticus 19:18

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law? Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Mathew 22:36-40

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34

So, we are to love God, others, and self. I began using the Corinthians scripture to measure the love of those around me for me. But I began to feel the conviction that this scripture was to measure where my love for those around me was at. I began to ask myself...Is my love patient? Can I wait with my hands on my lap so-to-speak, like a weaned child? Is it kind? Am I envious? Do I want what I see others have or have I found out what God wants of me? Do I boast? Am I a bragger? Does pride hold me back from showing love to those in my life? Am I able to give a hug to that person who has hurt me? Can I say "I am sorry"? Am I rude or snippy? Am I motivated by what I am going to get and not by what I am going to give? Do I get offended quickly and hold onto it? Do I provoke the people in my life to be better people or am I willing to allow those I love to get caught in vices, habits, bad choices and foolishness? Do I control myself so that I protect those my actions or words could hurt? Do I put people in my life on trial, making them prove everything too me? When I fail do I get back up and keep moving forward or do I lay down and decide to stay miserable and give up? When things get tough at work, at home, with my kids, my friend or in my marriage do I throw up my hands so-to-speak and stop trying or do I perceive these as challenges and opportunities put in my life to help me to grow and become a better person? Have I already given up on someone or something that I know I should not have?

These questions peirced my heart. They still peirce my heart. We are all guilty of not being loving. Love is not just a feeling. I admit that there are different kinds of love such as romantic love, friendship love, and agape love. All these kinds of love do have feelings attached and God meant it that way. He wants us to experience pleasure in every relationship but God also pushes us beyond the feelings to certain actions that will maintain love and fulfill both persons in the relationship. Let me go one step further and say that we can be in "relationship" with those we may come into contact with only once. This may be off-putting to some but is very true. I am not saying that it is the same as any of the relationships I have listed above. Nor am I saying that this "relationship" will share the same characteristics as a romance, a friendship or intimacy with God. It is a relationship born out of the bond of like humanity and shared by the knowledge of God's love for each and every one of His creation and His desire to redeem each and every one of his creation. Through these ideals we are called to "love" each person God brings into our path. How can I show a kindness? I can be patient in line just a little longer so that I do not provoke fear in the clerk. When I don't get what I ordered at the drive through I calmly return it and thank them for exchanging it. When someone in line begins to talk to me I listen and don't turn away or I can offer to pray with them. Each and every person is seeking the evidence that God is in this world. One act of love may be all they need to believe.

What if I have an addict in my family? What if secrecy is the norm? Is it love to allow this person to remain in bondage to drugs, alcohol, shopping,perfectionism, food, gambling, pornography just to keep peace? Let's look to 1 Corinthians definition of love for the answer. It says that "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." In this situation love looks very different than the feel good love of showing a kindness. This love is the tough love that "rejoices with the truth". Often we believe that if our action gives us a "bad" feeling it is the wrong action but in these cases that is incorrect. It is a loving act to speak the truth to someone caught in sin. You may suffer as you watch your loved one suffer. They may lash out at you because of being exposed but what you are doing is right. The Bible says, "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."(Ephesians 4:15) This act of love requires a commitment. A commitment to loving God and His will for you, to yourself being able to receive God's love for you and to your family member in showing God's love to them by realizing their unblemished value before God and working that out in whichever capacity you are called to so that in everything God will be glorified.

What is love and how do we know when we are or are not giving love? It is the totality of our feelings, actions and our commitments that fulfill the 1 Corinthians definition of love. This is a tool, a mighty and powerful tool given to us for discerning truth and direction. Where does the power to love come from? 1John 4:19 states, "We love because He first loved us." Remember, Love One Another.

*Note: This is the recipe for perfect love. We are not perfect and will be on a journey of development until Jesus returns to bring us home. Depend upon Him to enable you to learn how to love and receive His forgiveness when you fall short.

http://www.truthliveshere.net/

Let's Have A Revival!

"Let's have a revival! From the pulpit to the pew!" These are some words to an old charismatic Christian song that I heard many years ago. Recently, my husband and I went on a trip to Florida in order to follow the Lord's leading for service. We returned home somewhat spiritually stunned.

Long ago we had committed our life to Jesus for service in whichever way that He saw fit. I think many Christians go through this ritual especially in the first season of becoming a Christian. New Christians are all zealous and excited about the Lord. Then after awhile life sets in and things tend to get busy, right? Everybody is saying that around me right now. "I'm so busy. I'm sorry I didn't call you. I'm so Busy. I'm sorry I can't go to that function. I'm so busy." Right. I was saying those words before we left for Florida. When I said them I had the faintest sense that my busieness was somehow self-inflicted. Was it busieness or confusion? Well anyway, the point is my family and I had become busy. Then God impressed upon both my husband and I that we were to go to Florida, in faith to see what He had for us there. Our zeal is definately not what it used to be. In the early days we would have bought plane tickets and left without a care in the world. Without a care...hm...what's that? It seemed we found our faith lacking when it actually came down to moving out in faith to actually serve the Lord. We were tempted with all kinds of fears. Money, money, money, you know of which the biggest was money. Our financial plan for going fell through and so then I had an excuse to say "God must not be blessing this trip". Oh, I feared what would happen to my children, their school schedule, their eating habits, their personal care. I know, neurotic right? Well, I'm very good at avoidance. I feared leaving our home, our neighborhood, our church, our friends. There were so many excuses and temptations to stay that it became overwhelming. Then the temptation came, "Your children will forget you. Their bond with you will be broken and never to be repaired!" That one struck the heart of my passion. But there was also this whisper way back in my soul that said, "Don't worry. I will take care of you and I will sustain them... I'm in charge...Don't give in to temptation...Do those words comfort you or make you afraid? Fear-That's not Me!...I will provide...My hand is open...I will hold-up the bond between you..." I literally fought through this wild jungle of emotions and fears and made it to the day to leave. There was a confidence that existed along side all of that fear. I clung to that and used it to propel myself forward in obedience to what I knew God wanted us to do. God provided a family to come and stay with our children at our home for a whole week. We said our good-byes and left. My stomach turned in knots as we pulled away.

I had strange ideas of the world I had not seen. We drove straight south through the country and I was surprised the entire way. I thought that other people lived very different to us and in some ways they do but in many ways we are very much the same. As we went through city and town after city and town I realized that where we live is very sheltered and very rich. I saw so much poverty. I saw such a wide distinction between the city life and the country life which in my view compromises most of our country. I always thought I was behind in education, trend and lifestyle. I recognized that I had been judging myself much too harshly. What we see on TV is very much a created reality. I knew this but now I truly know this. So fear followed us the entire way. It seemed it endeavored to be our companion for the trip. So silly as I look back but, we were moving forward into uncharted territory for us. We had no clue what we would experience next and we had to trust that God would meet all our needs no matter what happened.

We made it to Orlando. Then we decided to go further, Cocoa Beach! We had never seen the ocean. We drove out to Cape Canaveral to the beach. My stomach tightened as we approached the stairs to access the beach. I had waited a lifetime to see this. Up we stepped and there it was. We stopped. We inhaled and held it. Heaven and earth came togethor. It was amazing. The roar of the tide. The spray of the sand. The crunch of the broken shells under our feet. Little birds being chased in by the tide and then chasing the tide out. It was truly amazing. I said to myself, "how can anyone deny there is a creator after seeing this?" We spent half the day there picking shells, walking, swimming, laughing and taking pictures. It was life changing.

Back to Orlando we went to make it to our conference. We spent the next few days with a group of people who also had been called by God to open a treatment facility and others who had been called into various ministeries to help hurting people. These people loved us like family, better than family. The prayed for us, over us and with us. The prophesied to us. We ate with them and listened to their stories of how God has sustained the House of Hope. We listened to testimonies from kids who were admitted to the House of Hope. They told us one after another how the love of Jesus is changing their lives. It felt like they were peeling away the hardness of the world each and every hour we were there. There was an annointing ceremony the day we left. Sara Trollinger, the founder, annointed us with oil and prayed for us. She prayed for any need we had. It was an amazing time. We received a prophetic message in reguards to our ministery and personal lives and then we left. We left with full bellies. Full of spiritual food.

We drove straight through to get home but it seemed short after all we'd received. My husband and I have been so burdened now that we are home. We came back to our life and it seemed our eyes were seeing things and our hearts were experiencing things that were not so evident before or that we easily ignored before. The question remains, Where is God in all this? Where is the Holy Spirit in all of our busieness? I feel such a hunger to be alone with the Lord now. I feel drawn away from the chaos of structure and schedules and tasks. All this control...why do we have so much control over the structure of our lives? I know we need structure to be obedient and meet goals but when structure and ritual organize and order God right out we need to cast off the bondage of structure and ritual and re-evaluate its right place. We need time, quiet time to just sit quietly, alone and listen. I have found that I am not as busy as I want to think. Really when I say I'm busy I am saying, I did not want to make time for that. I wanted to do this instead. Now when people say to me they were so busy that relationship, fellowship, worship, was put on the back burner I know that chaos has entered the picture. Avoidance has begun to be the tactic of dealing with God and others and plummeting downward, spiraling inward, losing love and desire is now the state of the heart. Oh, I was there and I am fighting to not go back. This busieness business is a destraction from the enemy to keep us from receiving all that Jesus has for us. The enormous amount of structure, and ritual is a way to keep our lives within the constraints of our understanding by keeping the Holy Spirit out!

"Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Liberty." 2Corinthians 3:17 I was asleep and now I am awake. Oh yes, we need a revival. The Church needs a revival. Our nation needs a revival! We need to embrace all of who God is not just parts of Him. We need to get off the beach and step out into the tide of faith combined with works so that we can see God move in our churches, our communities, and in our homes but most importantly in our hearts. Fear will have us if we allow him. "...perfect love casts out fear..." 1John 4:18

"Let's have a revival! From the pulpit to the Pew. Let's have a revival. It starts with me and you. Then it reaches out to the lost and hungry world and brings them in. This our joy, it's our survival. Let's pray for a Holy Ghost arrival, let's have a revival!"

http://www.truthliveshere.net/

I'm Going Up The Mountain!

Have you ever been too out to be in and too in to be out? I have. I am. What a peculiar place to be. There is a story in the Old Testament of the Bible in which God calls Abraham to take his only son and go on a journey to this mountain to sacrifice the boy to God. Now, why would God ask such a thing? He could have had anything. He's God. It's like, get your own boy to sacrifice God! This boy is special. He is Abraham's only son and for that matter why kill the boy that You just gave to these nice people? Isn't this boy supposed to be a blessing? Isn't this boy supposed to become a great nation? But, you see in order for God to give Abraham the blessing and inheritance that He had promised, God had to know where His place was in Abraham's heart. This was a test and so Abraham took the boy and some servants and went towards the mountain. When they came a way off from the place Abraham told the servants to "stay with the asses". He told them He and the boy were going to the mountain to worship. He gathered his stuff for the fire and the sacrifice. He took the boy and went. Isaac wondered where they would get a lamb for the offering? Abraham told him that God would provide the lamb for the burnt offering. At the mountain, Abraham built the altar and laid his son on it. He raised his knife to kill his son and God called to him and told him to stop! God said that now He knew that Abraham feared Him. God knew He was first in Abraham's heart. "Abraham looked and there was a ram tied up in the thicket." He called that place The-Lord-Will-Provide.

It's a funny thing to be too in to be out and too out to be in. It lacks commitment. It lacks a step of faith. What's your Issac? What's the thing in your life that you possess that means more too you than anyone or anything? There have been times in my life that people's admiration of me was my greatest possession. I would have almost done anything to have it. I did not lay it on the altar until after I allowed it to own me and by then I had laid God on the altar instead, choosing what felt right at the time. It corrupted my soul, the lust for admiration. When I received no pay off from my investment I was devastated but, I knew. I knew whom I had sacrificed in order to have momentary love. Maybe for you it's alcohol or drugs. The constant pursuit, the lifestyle of sneaking and hiding and lying, the numbing down, the giving up. Maybe its sex. Do you sacrifice your marriage for some secret time on the computer after everyone has gone to bed? Do you hide the receipts from your spouse because you went and purchased pornographic materials or spent time in a sex shop? There are many "Isaacs" out there in the world. The thing our heart tells us that we need in order to be OK. In order to have peace of mind.

I'm sure as Abraham walked with his boy and the servants away from camp he had to have looked back, too out to be in. Then he looked towards the mountain of his destination, too in to be out. He had a decision to make. Did God really say He would bless him? Did he trust God? Would God really provide a lamb? Abraham had waited so long for his and Sara's needs to be met and now here was the answer to their prayers walking right beside him. What would he do if God didn't provide? But he knew God would provide. God had proved Himself faithful to Abraham. Today, we all have a decision to make. God is asking us, Am I First in your life? Will you trust that I will provide if you lay this thing on the altar and give it away?

Today, I'm not staying with the Asses. I'm going up the mountain! God will provide!

""Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the Church..." Ephesians 3:20,21