The Collateral Nature of Trust

A few weeks ago God spoke to me to begin reading 1 and 2 Samuel.  Today I finished 1 Samuel.  This book was a roller coaster ride of drama.  There were so many principles that applied to my life as each day I read a few chapters.  I would go away renewed each time with a fresh annointing of Gods presence and call in my life.  And I would feel a sense of excited anticiapation for the next time I could read more of the story.  It's not always like this when I read God's book, but when it is I sure cherish it!

When I finished 1 Samuel today I was left reflecting on how the story played out from the fall of Eli the priest and the rise of the first prophet Samuel.  The fall of Israel's trust in God as their king to the rise of their demands for a man to lead them.  God answered with Saul, a man who trusted in the opinions of the people because he loved the people's love more than God.  And then David appears into the story.  A humble shephard with the heart of a king.  He loved God more than anything else.  That's really the book of 1 Samuel...the comparison drawn between these two men, Saul and David.  

Before reading this book again I remembered David's exhile into mountains, forests, and caves as a terrifying and lonely time for him, but I wonder now that I have reread this book if it was Saul (living in his castle with his servants and riches) who was exhiled, terrified, and lonely whereas David was rich and powerful and free?!  In fact I do, I do believe that's exactly what it was!  David followed God down the path of adventure and on that path he formed alliances, built friendships, brought down nations, won 2 lovers, built an army, commanded a legion, traveled the nearby world, experienced cultures, learned to seek God, learned to follow God, observed the consequence of obedience and disobedience to God, gained great wisdom and discernment, got to feel the pride of outsmarting the highest authority of his nation in the name of the Lord, was a champion for families, experienced life in many different environments and not just life but survival or being sustained by the very hand of God.....!  Reflecting on all this makes me wonder...what, what are we missing?!?!

Saul trusted in the opinions of his people.  David trusted in the Lord, the creator of heaven and earth, the deliverer of Israel, the one who made the sea stand at attention and then swallow up His children's enemies!  A picture began to form in my mind!  I saw these 2 men as opposite examples.  One who trusted in the Lord each and every second, with each experience, no matter what came and he lived an adventure!  The other who trusted in the love of people, power, riches, and position and lived fenced in.  

I think that all of us Christians naturally struggle with this same issue!  We start out getting saved and are excited to live for Christ but then the daily monotony, the daily challenge sets in again and we either become a David or a Saul.  The Saul in us wants our life to look like a paint by number but God wants an improvisational and inspirational masterpeice!  The Saul in us wants total control but God wants joy and pleasure in the making!  The Saul in us strategizes and plans; where God is interpreting the landscape.  Gods plan is a roller coaster with twists and turns and drops and swift ascensions.  The Saul in us has a plan for a ride on a merry-go-round where we know what to expect: a challengeless state of repetetive diminshed pleasure.  God wants to set us loose!  The Saul in us wants to fence ourselves in.  

My question today, God's question for me and you today is, Do you want to live an adventure or do you want to fence yourself in?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6, NKJV). 

http://www.truthliveshere.net/     

The Happiness of Sadness

Have you ever been thankful for sadness?  Today I am.

Sadness is typically an emotion I fear and hide.  Maybe not knowingly but when I see it coming down the street towards my emotional house I get that mental knot in my stomach and try to board up the windows and doors of my house so sadness wont feel welcome here.  Then I stand in my dark house silently behind my unwelcoming door, as quietly as a mouse hoping it wont know Im there and if it does Ill pretend long enough, that sadness will grow tired of waiting and knocking.  And just go away.  Then I will tell myself as I walk away from sadness's door, "Thats right Shannon.  It wasnt really sadness.  Anger, yes!  Silly woman, not sadness!"

Today is different.  I dont know why.  It seems odd, even to me.  I have chosen, chosen to make sadness my friend.  Today instead of pretending to be busy and not at home I opened my door and welcomed sadness at the street.  Today I will walk togethor with sadness.  I will listen to what she has to say.

She's nearing my house, coming down my street.  I notice the day.  Someone is here.  I sense it.  There is a presence in the day, all around me that is much greater than sadness or even me or my will.  But wait, who's that with her?  Today she walks with someone.  Im straining to see....It's Jesus!  He is my friend.  I had forgotten, He promised me that I would never have to walk with sadness alone.   "You see", Jesus says to me, "sadness isn't as terrible and scary as you may have thought.  I'm here," He says.  "I'm here.  Take My hand.  Lets walk this togethor."

He holds my hand.  With us still, is sadness.  Tears stream down my checks.  Jesus smiles sweetly and begins the walk.  He is calm, sure, unafraid, confident.  I am broken and in pain.  My heart feels as if my chest will burst.  I look to Him and he smiles gently and begins to tell me a story.  Sadness grasps my other hand tightly.  I begin to sob and continue on.  He tells the story of the love of His father for me, his life, His death, His ressurrection, all for me, for my pain and the pain of the one who caused my pain.  Wait...there is beauty all around I realize!  My heart is filled with pain but all around me I begin to see and sense the father.  He is here.  He is here.  We are walking.  We are walking and soon I notice that now we are four.  Hope is with us!  No longer is sadness my only friend.  No longer are my tears only for sadness and her pain, but tears of thanksgiving begin to stream down my face.  Hope as arrived.  She walks next to Jesus.  She doesnt take hold of me but she is there.  Letting me see her and saying with her eyes, "Im with you now."

Jesus grasps my hand tighter and draws my attention back to Him.  We walk on.  He tells us a story about Heaven and when I get to come live with Him.  Who's that walking toward us?  Is it, could it be, love?  And...forgiveness?  "No, Im not ready yet!"  I look to sadness as we all walk.  She holds my hand.  She assures me that she is with me for now but soon, very soon Jesus will ask me to welcome love and even forgiveness to walk with us.  Sadness says, then, she will go away and love and forgiveness will take her place as my companions.  I am thankful.  I am not ready for that yet!  For now, I know that I need to walk with sadness, lean on her, learn from her.  I will listen to the voice of Jesus and rest in His confidence.  I will see Hope and know that Sadnesses presence doesnt mean death, destruction or eternal depression.  She promised that she would not be there forever and Hope makes it true.

http://www.truthliveshere.net/

The Destructive Nature of the Pursuit of Pleasure

Oh my goodness....The following is a moving reminder that we cannot just indulge in any/all worldly indulgence without having consequences. Of course this is a very extreme example but an example none-the-less of the impact of indulgence of the sin nature. This is a must watch!!! Especially for anyone out there using pornography but even for those who have a loved one who uses. Catch what he says, EXCITEMENT. A greater sense of excitement was what he was after. I've never met anyone with a dependency who did not pursue excitement. Call it pleasure, call it feeling good, call it not wanting to feel bad. It's all the same.

Have a watch.....
https://www.facebook.com/206495729381088/videos/307036566022657/?fallback=1&pnref=story

Here's an example of indulging negative emotions with/without food.  These videos are profound.... Have a watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjm3XTMEUAM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58G0278DjBU

Here is an incredible story of the pursuit of excitement through substances.  Wonderful honesty.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2DYngb7zEI

The following is an example of someone who indulged in relationship dependency.  This is very moving.  What a testimony!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ooj1aPIbRVI

Here is an example of a woman who indulges in shopping/hoarding in order to indulge her negative emotions.  Hoarding is not like it is on television.  It's incredibly destructive and just as long and painful a process of recovery as recovery from substance dependency or any other behavioral dependency with multiple relapses as part of the process of recovery.  So very sad....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Q1Vy1Fq2lA

Next is an EXCELLENT example of a woman who has indulged in her anger so long that she has lost control and struggles to see the way back to self-control.  Have a watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl4v53gNQ7U

Well, if you were able to make it through all these video, Congratulations!!  I know there were a few, but together my hope is that these videos will give my readers a much fuller perspective on the indulgence of the sin nature.  I call it that because that's how the Bible defines it.  Psychology defines it differently and calls these behaviors "mental illness".  Yes, mentally these people have disordered thinking but it does not have to be permanent and it is not permanent or un-fixable.  People believe if they receive a diagnosis then they have officially lost the ability to change.  In fact a diagnosis is just a word to describe a group of symptoms so that health care professionals know what they are all looking at and talking about.  ANYONE can change. If you experience strong and persistent mood shifts, you can learn skills to function better and live better!  If you have persistent compulsions you can learn skills to change your thinking, resist negative emotions and say NO to compulsions.  If you, by use have taught your brain to be dependent on dopamine or a substance, you can, through abstinence and relearning how to process your emotions and meet your needs live a functional life and maintain healthy relationships.  Here is the cornerstone though, without faith in God and the surrendering of yourself to Him in Christ, the battle rages on and your flesh will win.  It is those whom I have seen walk away from their old battles into a new life, that have fully relinquished control over to God and trusted Him with their hearts and practiced brutal honesty with themselves and God. They have committed to change no matter what mistakes they make and they commit to humility--making amends, being teachable, and being a servant of others.

There is no hope in the pursuit of pleasure, only pain.  CHANGE IS POSSIBLE!

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 "For this is the will of God, your sanctification [your holiness]:...that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel [body] in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God..." (NKJV).

http://www.truthliveshere.net/

The Inclusivity of God's Love

Today I was with someone who is strange.  This person speaks about murdering, embarrassing people, humiliating people who hurt him, playing violent and destructive pranks on people, sexually explicit experiences, and many other inappropriate topics.  As I drove home post session I reflected about the things I heard and the person who I had spent this time with.  I thought, how was I able to withstand that?  I thought, years ago I would never have been able to do that and actually be ok and feel close to God afterward.  I would have carried this person's perversity and pain away with me and then continued to carry it until it produced so much stress that I would have had my own stress crisis. I also would have judged that person and closed my heart with judgment off to seeing through the person's defenses to the fear smothered person hiding behind.  Today I felt love.  I felt compassion.  I saw a person, broken by biology, broken by environment, broken from birth, attempting to communicate what is impossible for  this person to communicate.  I had to look beyond the presentation to the message hidden away in the words.  What was this person trying to say?  What is he trying to communicate through his twisted words?  What does he need me to hear?  I had to believe, know that there is someone hidden away inside that is human and tender and needs love, acceptance, and understanding.  I had to know this and not be told this by this person.  I had to disregard the presentation (to a certain extent), in order to reach the hidden brokenness and needs.  I had to see the miraculous in this attempt to communicate.  I had to hear God directing me though such broken words.

I am convinced that Gods love is inclusive.  Now dont take that so far as to include sin because that is not true but I am convinced that when God sees each one of us He looks on us with love and longing.  Maybe thats just my experience in Christ.  I know before I was in Christ I felt excluded from Gods love and outside His attention.  Its like the perspective one would have when not having been invited inside an exciting social spot versus someone who is inside enjoying the party.  Things seem to make a lot more sense once we have the full experience of inside versus outside.  When I was outside of Gods family I felt alone, hollow, isolated, futureless.  I did not tell anyone that but down deep I knew it.  I wanted someone to see me, someone to hear my message behind the presentation I gave.

It takes time, patience, self-sacrifice to listen to people....really listen.  It takes emotional boundaries to hear pain and not carry it away with you but people are craving, yearning for another soul to come alongside them and really care...care enough to invest themselves in waiting and listening and hearing the words a person is trying to say even if its not obvious.  God wants to teach each one of us to love.  Love beyond the sight of our eyes and the understanding of our hearts and the limits of our experiences.  God wants to show us that our definition of love can expand to include whomever He sends us.

Isaiah 54:2 “Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes."

There is room in God's house for all who will come.  The beautiful, the ugly, the rich, the poor, the fortunate and unfortunate, the intelligent and those who are of little intelligence, the functional and the dysfunctional.  See it doesn't matter how we come.  Gods going to rebuild us anyway once we get there to His house.  

Isaiah 54:11, “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with lapis lazuli. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones."

Halleluia!  God's love in Christ is amazing!  Father I pray you would help each one of us to be filled with your Spirit that our minds would be renewed and our hearts empowered to love as You would love each person You send to us.  Give us your sight to see as You see and your ears to hear the message of the hurting and broken and lost of this world Lord.  In Jesus's name, Amen.

Look Upon The Lord, Kari Jobe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9fkUnFlNho   

http://www.truthliveshere.net/ 

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A Heart of Worship

I woke with this song ringing in my head.  It's words are the cry of my heart today.  What is your theme song for this day?

Colton Dixon, More of You:
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqUv_gbKPVs

http://www.truthliveshere.net/

NUMB

Are you feeling numb? Do you wonder, why? What is it? Question for you: Are you repressing pain?

It does not have to be pain in the present. It can be pain from the long ago past, the not so long ago past, the recent past.

Often when things turn around for good in our lives or we leave out of a painful experience or experiences there is the danger of forgetting. Just walking away from what happened and not grieving. That grief, that pain does not disappear no matter how much we want to be "over it".

 Are your emotions feeling flat or numb? Are you repressing pain?  Let yourself grieve.  Grief doesn't respect our schedules or timetables.  It doesn't care about our loved-one's schedule, timetable, or season of life.  It will impose itself without asking.  There is a purpose though.  Your pain calls out to God.  He desires to heal you.  Even if you lack the desire, the will, the motivation to turn to Him I challenge you to turn to Him by faith and begin your healing process.

http://www.truthliveshere.net/

Nothing to Offer Him...Except For Brokenness

I'm haunted by the words of a song. They run over and over in my mind and communicate the cry of my heart to Jesus. I want to share them with you today.

 Kari Jobe: Find you on my knees.

Troubles chasing me again. Breaking down my best defense. I'm looking, God, I'm looking for You. Weary just wont let me rest. And fear is filling up my head. I'm longing God, I'm longing for You.

But I will find you in the place I'm in. Find you when I'm at my end. Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
 You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty. When I am weak, when I am lost and searching I'll find you on my knees.

 So what if sorrow shakes my faith, And what if heartache still remains? I'll trust you, my god I'll trust you. Cause you are faithful and I will...

 Find you in the place I'm in, Find you when I'm at my end, Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness. 
 You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty, When I am weak, when I am lost and searching, Find you on my knees, my knees,

When my hope is gone,
When the fear is strong,
When the pain is real,
When its hard to heal,
When my faith is shaken,
When my heart is broken,
And when my joy is stolen,
 God I know that...

You lift me, you'll never leave me searching, You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
 Find you in the place I'm in. Find you when I'm at my end, Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
 You'll lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty. When I am weak, you'll never leave me thirsty, when I am weak, when I am lost and searching I'll find you on my knees. 

Here's a link to listen to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx2e58cL8r4

The work I do allows me to see the brokenness and depravity in humanity.  It allows me to see the brokenness and depravity in me as well.  All of us experience the hardships of life whether they be emotional, relational, financial, social or whatever they be we all live in broken bodies and in broken relationships and in a broken world.  What is there to hope in if not in Christ?  I've tried so many things in my 40 years.  I've seen others try so many things and ways to fix the emptiness, that spot that was created for God in Christ.  If only we could see through our "individuality".  It is this that gets in the way of faith and trust and surrender.  Peter, a disciple of Christ struggled with this as well.  Peter experienced the strong pull of his own interests as he watched Christ be crucified and walked away from the cross, lost and disorientated, ashamed and afraid for his life.  And yet, Jesus, knew His struggle and next to the seashore reminded him some days later to stand back and see what to really be ashamed of and afraid of  and what his purpose really was.  His purpose was Not his "individuality" and his earthly interests but the love of God for humanity and the truth of humanity's need for Jesus.

People will not make us happy.  People will frustrate us as we frustrate them.  People will disappoint as we will disappoint them.  Another human cannot fill us up to the point of contentment.  Relationships are work...tireless work.  Getting along is tough sometimes and at other times it is less hard but life doesn't provide a smooth journey and it is at these times (which are often), us humans can begin to believe that it is the ugliness in the souls of others that is making ourselves ugly or tired or frustrated or disappointed or whatever thing we don't want to see about ourselves.  In truth we are in these moments seeing our own fallenness/sin nature and our limited definition of love.  See most of us have this small circle within ourselves in which we allow just the characteristics in others that feel good to us and serve our idea of what is "lovable" or worthy of love in them from us.  If their behavior or personality falls outside our circle of acceptableness we reject them (withhold ourselves) and in effect withhold God's love from them as well.

Oswald Chambers comments on this in My Utmost For His Highest, "Jesus has some extraordinarily peculiar sheep: some that are unkempt and dirty, some that are awkward or pushy, and some that have gone astray! But it is impossible to exhaust God’s love, and it is impossible to exhaust my love if it flows from the Spirit of God within me. The love of God pays no attention to my prejudices caused by my natural individuality. If I love my Lord, I have no business being guided by natural emotions— I have to feed His sheep. We will not be delivered or released from His commission to us."

With love as our first calling, we can become worn, tired, pained, weak, fearful.  We can lose direction as we pursue loving others in Christ, and become filled with sorrow and longing for change and reconciliation.  It is here we may struggle to sense God's presence with us.  We may even begin to feel abandoned by God and want to run to things this world can provide to comfort ourselves, but it is when we feel this that we are in exactly the right place.  God is there in that place of brokenness with us.  Don't trust your fear in this place.  Trust the character of God and who He tells us He is in His word.  Don't run from this place of humility.  Allow God to work in you and through you right in your brokenness.  God will expand your definition of love by teaching you that you are loved and safe with Him when you are at your ugliest and you will be able to provide that same comfort to those in your life who are living out their brokenness/sin nature in one form or another in your life.

Note: I am not advocating to withhold boundaries or self-care in any way.  In fact, God's love is often directed to others through me in these ways.  I am mainly talking about withholding ourselves from a person or people that we don't feel we can show love to because they are unappealing/unacceptable to us in some way (i.e. neediness, mentally disordered, poor, ignorant, annoying, poor behaviors, emotionally unstable/moody, angry, abusive, addicted,  physically unattractive, etc).  We can safely love those listed above through action and a commitment to feed Christ's sheep. 

http://www.truthliveshere.net/