Nothing to Offer Him...Except For Brokenness

I'm haunted by the words of a song. They run over and over in my mind and communicate the cry of my heart to Jesus. I want to share them with you today.

 Kari Jobe: Find you on my knees.

Troubles chasing me again. Breaking down my best defense. I'm looking, God, I'm looking for You. Weary just wont let me rest. And fear is filling up my head. I'm longing God, I'm longing for You.

But I will find you in the place I'm in. Find you when I'm at my end. Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
 You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty. When I am weak, when I am lost and searching I'll find you on my knees.

 So what if sorrow shakes my faith, And what if heartache still remains? I'll trust you, my god I'll trust you. Cause you are faithful and I will...

 Find you in the place I'm in, Find you when I'm at my end, Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness. 
 You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty, When I am weak, when I am lost and searching, Find you on my knees, my knees,

When my hope is gone,
When the fear is strong,
When the pain is real,
When its hard to heal,
When my faith is shaken,
When my heart is broken,
And when my joy is stolen,
 God I know that...

You lift me, you'll never leave me searching, You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
 Find you in the place I'm in. Find you when I'm at my end, Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
 You'll lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty. When I am weak, you'll never leave me thirsty, when I am weak, when I am lost and searching I'll find you on my knees. 

Here's a link to listen to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx2e58cL8r4

The work I do allows me to see the brokenness and depravity in humanity.  It allows me to see the brokenness and depravity in me as well.  All of us experience the hardships of life whether they be emotional, relational, financial, social or whatever they be we all live in broken bodies and in broken relationships and in a broken world.  What is there to hope in if not in Christ?  I've tried so many things in my 40 years.  I've seen others try so many things and ways to fix the emptiness, that spot that was created for God in Christ.  If only we could see through our "individuality".  It is this that gets in the way of faith and trust and surrender.  Peter, a disciple of Christ struggled with this as well.  Peter experienced the strong pull of his own interests as he watched Christ be crucified and walked away from the cross, lost and disorientated, ashamed and afraid for his life.  And yet, Jesus, knew His struggle and next to the seashore reminded him some days later to stand back and see what to really be ashamed of and afraid of  and what his purpose really was.  His purpose was Not his "individuality" and his earthly interests but the love of God for humanity and the truth of humanity's need for Jesus.

People will not make us happy.  People will frustrate us as we frustrate them.  People will disappoint as we will disappoint them.  Another human cannot fill us up to the point of contentment.  Relationships are work...tireless work.  Getting along is tough sometimes and at other times it is less hard but life doesn't provide a smooth journey and it is at these times (which are often), us humans can begin to believe that it is the ugliness in the souls of others that is making ourselves ugly or tired or frustrated or disappointed or whatever thing we don't want to see about ourselves.  In truth we are in these moments seeing our own fallenness/sin nature and our limited definition of love.  See most of us have this small circle within ourselves in which we allow just the characteristics in others that feel good to us and serve our idea of what is "lovable" or worthy of love in them from us.  If their behavior or personality falls outside our circle of acceptableness we reject them (withhold ourselves) and in effect withhold God's love from them as well.

Oswald Chambers comments on this in My Utmost For His Highest, "Jesus has some extraordinarily peculiar sheep: some that are unkempt and dirty, some that are awkward or pushy, and some that have gone astray! But it is impossible to exhaust God’s love, and it is impossible to exhaust my love if it flows from the Spirit of God within me. The love of God pays no attention to my prejudices caused by my natural individuality. If I love my Lord, I have no business being guided by natural emotions— I have to feed His sheep. We will not be delivered or released from His commission to us."

With love as our first calling, we can become worn, tired, pained, weak, fearful.  We can lose direction as we pursue loving others in Christ, and become filled with sorrow and longing for change and reconciliation.  It is here we may struggle to sense God's presence with us.  We may even begin to feel abandoned by God and want to run to things this world can provide to comfort ourselves, but it is when we feel this that we are in exactly the right place.  God is there in that place of brokenness with us.  Don't trust your fear in this place.  Trust the character of God and who He tells us He is in His word.  Don't run from this place of humility.  Allow God to work in you and through you right in your brokenness.  God will expand your definition of love by teaching you that you are loved and safe with Him when you are at your ugliest and you will be able to provide that same comfort to those in your life who are living out their brokenness/sin nature in one form or another in your life.

Note: I am not advocating to withhold boundaries or self-care in any way.  In fact, God's love is often directed to others through me in these ways.  I am mainly talking about withholding ourselves from a person or people that we don't feel we can show love to because they are unappealing/unacceptable to us in some way (i.e. neediness, mentally disordered, poor, ignorant, annoying, poor behaviors, emotionally unstable/moody, angry, abusive, addicted,  physically unattractive, etc).  We can safely love those listed above through action and a commitment to feed Christ's sheep. 

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If He wounds me, He Will Also Heal Me

The other day I was driving down the road and I was carrying in my spirit a heavy burden of sorrow. I was starting my new job and it is a great job but not the job that I dreamed that I would be in after finishing my degree. I had a different vision for my life and that vision entailed a very different work environment with very different roles than I was facing in this car ride to work. I had been "sucking it up" so-to-speak for days at this point, telling myself that "this is good" and "I can do this" sort of stuff. Well it is good and I can do it but I want something else entirely and at this point I have time to put in, in order to get what and where I want. I felt humiliated. I felt a sense of unfairness. Im sure many reading this have been in this spot. Having to go through steps to achieve something and having to start in a place elementary to your abilities. uhhhhhh.... I sigh. It's humiliating. Having to face barriers in a system that seem impenetrable. Maybe you havn't climbed a ladder, maybe your barriers are inside of yourself or inside of a relationship you are in or closed doors around you socially or in some important way. And yet you know there is more and you are capable of more if you could just be allowed to break free! It feels humiliating to be kept back by something in your life and yet know that you have more to give, more to offer, more to accomplish! I broke out in tears! For the first time in a couple weeks carrying this heavy sorrow inside. Aaaand, of course, I was on my way to work and my face became a flurry (or blurry) of excitement. Anyway, that aside, my heart went from hiding my sorrow to allowing it to be exposed to myself and God. Then God said to me, "If I wound you, I will heal you." At that moment I realized I had come to a new place of trust with God. Usually I throw some kind of a tantrum with Him. I get mad. I tell Him my feelings and thoughts on why my idea is better for a few weeks. I may wrestle internally and use whatever tricks I got up my sleeve to manipulate myself, but NEVER do I just grieve my loss with grace and look to God with a patient and trusting calm. This time however, I felt sorrow and then when the tears flooded over my cheeks I felt love. After that when He told me that He was wounding me I felt a deep sense of trust and a steadfast belief that He would heal me. In other words, He would allow my heart to be broken and humbled, once again in order that out of my experiences would come a wealth of knowledge, and empathy, and love, and experiences that will serve to glorify Him for the rest of my career and my life. But that's not it, oh He will get the glory but I will receive a richness within my heart and my person and I will draw even nearer to God than I have before and I will inherit through this humbling such a richer perspective that I will then experience a changed life because then my eyes will see things that now they cannot. Mathew 26:42 “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” Oswald Chambers so eloquently stated, "You must be willing to be placed on the altar and go through the fire, willing to experience what the altar represents--burning, purification, and separation for only one purpose--the elimination of every desire and affection not grounded in or directed toward God....But you don't eliminate it, God does...be poured out as an offering" (My Utmost For His Highest,2/6). Will you come with me today to the altar, the place where we let go of our understanding and demands, the place where we enter His presence, so that we can lay down before Him and rest in His care? Let's go together. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQnBvUiAGsI Kari Jobe: Here.

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For Such A Time As This!

"I give you this charge: 2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. 3 For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry" (2 Timothy 4: 1-3, NIV). If you live for Jesus and cast all of the cares of this world aside including the false doctrines that this world is throwing at Christians today expect that you will have trouble. In-other-words, your faithfulness to "the word" will bring criticism, social outrage, name-calling, labels, and rejection. Accepting suffering for doing the right thing is one of the hardest disciplines of the human experience. In fact, the body and the mind will fight you when you step out to stand for righteousness. Expect this. Don't be surprised by your sinful nature. It will sell out your integrity for comfort every time. But remember Paul's words because they give so much hope when you connect with the present reality of them.... 2 Timothy 4:16-17, "...no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me....But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength...". YES! We are not ever alone! How it works I do not know, but the very spirit that is God the Father's is with us presently in Christ! Wow. That idea gives me pause every time I hear it, read it, or think it. How can the Father's very spirit be with Him and us at once?! I have to fall back to God is not us and He cannot be measured by the human experience. We have been given a charge. Let's not forget it today!

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Speak, For Your Servant Is Listening

We are living in an era in which we are experiencing a drought, a famine of God’s voice. There is so much noise in our world, in our lives, in our souls. How would God’s still small voice break through such a tumultuous and screaming world that exists inside and outside of us? If we cannot hear God’s voice in all the noise, and motivations, and personal goals how will we know what direction to take? How will we know the secrets about ourselves? How will we discern other’s pain and needs? How will God be able to call us to His next work? Isn't it the Christian’s core struggle: Who will run each day? Will I allow God to lead me or will I depend upon myself? Will I listen to Him or me? I hear so often how busy people’s lives are. Honestly, I have even caught myself saying this not long ago. I was caught up in the forward drive of making money, meeting expectations, reaching goals, and seeing my loved one’s needs met. I began to think, this is just a season. When it’s over I will go back to the calm and peace of before I began this rat race. What I did not accept and acknowledge was that while I chased after all the things life was providing I was being changed from the inside out. My mind started to become foggy but driven. When I was home I started experiencing it difficult to sit quietly, to experience the coming down. I struggled to allow myself to rest. God began whispering, Rest Shannon, Rest. I ignored His voice and to my detriment. When I left my last position I was mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. I found myself in the quietness of my home with my mind spinning inside. My mental thought pace had been trained to move as fast as my life was moving and now the pace of my life was at a standstill. I have to say it was torture for a few days. I wanted to run around the house doing pointless tasks, go up town to run pointless errands all to keep up with the pace of my mind. Thankfully, God began to whisper, sit down. Be quiet and wait Shannon. Sit down and rest. Seriously I had to trust that if I performed the discipline of waiting and resting that the pace of my mind would pass and God would heal it and slow it to match my circumstances. It took a week but it began to slow. The second week light began to come back and the fog began to lift from my mind. I fear that we the Church are outrunning God’s voice. I hear the message of busyness in sermons and in my counseling sessions and in conversations with friends and family. I can see the evidence that busyness is at work in people’s spiritual, personal and relational lives. Busyness is spoken of as if it has a power all its own to choose to control the person, family, or relationship. Really, we are choosing to remain busy, too busy for rest, peace, silence, each other, for God. Church people are hungry for God’s voice but seemingly not hearing it or not hearing as often as they need to. Why not?! If God’s people are struggling to hear or are not hearing God’s voice our world is in real trouble. As was Eli in the story in 1 Samuel 3 of the Bible. Eli was the high priest of the tabernacle but he chose his worldly possessions over honoring God and because of that God spoke to Him one last time with a promise to destroy what Eli had built. What once was a blessing had now become a trap. Eli got caught up in his world and his worldly compulsions and replaced Gods voice and God’s relationship with service and duty. This was a time of famine, a drought so-to-speak of God’s voice. In fact, in 1 Samuel 3 a spiritual drought is recorded. The reason for this is not told in this passage but Mathew Henry comments that maybe it was the “impiety and impurity in the tabernacle” that had corrupted the nation of Israel consequently leading to God’s silence. I see this in the “tabernacle” of the modern day as well. We Christians are not taking seriously our walk with Jesus in ways that would welcome the voice of God to our lives. It seems we are willing to allow modern living to become our norm as well but then also expect all of God’s spiritual gifts to be at work in us despite our lack of piety and lack of submission. Oh, how dare I!? Maybe you believe you are serious about your faith and submissive to God. Great for you, but I am speaking to those who struggle with waking up with the compulsion to depend on their own strength, resilience, and knowledge to live the day out and then getting ate up by the modern day machine of life. I am speaking to those who hunger for God’s voice and wonder when they will hear it for the first time or the next time. I am speaking to those who long for God’s voice as evidence that He is with them and His promise to return for them still stands. Years ago my grandmother told me a story of an experience she had as we sat together sharing. She shared that she was sleeping and someone standing next to her called out her name. She heard it called twice and then on the third hearing of it she sat up in bed thinking someone was standing there but no one was there. She was reverent and confused by this experience. She wanted to know what I thought it was. I was shocked and excited to hear her story as I had experienced this multiple times as I slept not long before our conversation. I knew it was God calling her as it had been God calling me. God was giving us a gift. This was a gift that would imprint itself on the fabric of our identity changing the course of our faith and thus the practice of our faith in our daily lives. When a person experiences “the call” or experiences the comfort of God’s voice on a regular basis it changes you, keeps you focused, and keeps you connected to your purpose and your true strength. Maybe we resist rest and quiet because it is not immediately gratifying. Maybe its because the pace of our minds makes us uncomfortable when we attempt to rest and we sense our failure and come face to face with what we have done to ourselves so we run from it. Maybe we don’t rest and listen for God’s voice because we fear what He will say to us or ask of us. Maybe He will ask us to give up something or let go of someone. Maybe He will tell us to serve someone we dislike or forgive someone we hate. Maybe He will ask us to stay when we want to run from something or someone. Maybe He will show us things He knows about us that we don’t want to know or see. Maybe we are just caught up in running. Here’s the thing…If we desire God’s voice and His gifts we must desire Him first above all else including all the “blessings” of our lives. We have to position ourselves as Samuel did next to the altar under the light of God’s lamp (the Holy Spirit) waiting on His every word no matter what He decides to say. That’s going to mean making changes. Changes to schedules, activities, workloads, and mind-sets. That’s going to mean real commitments to our relationship with God as primary and real commitments to listening inward to our bodies and God’s voice. It’s also going to mean giving up ideas the world has taught us about competition, social image, and behavior. We will have to live for His eyes alone and not worry about the thoughts of those around us as we begin to discern and obey His voice. And obedience is key to growing in the identification of God’s voice. As Mathew Henry teaches, we can expect God to speak when we have shown that we are set on obeying whatever we are told. I remember a time in my life when this idea became apparent to me. The idea of being willing to obey whatever I was told by God was terrifying because what if He asked me to do something embarrassing or outside my comfort zone?! I had to ponder that but realized soon after that I did not care. I wanted God even if I looked stupid! At least if people laughed or mocked me in the future I would know that I was not alone and I had done it for Him. I also realized that I would not learn to identify His voice if I didn’t act on it each time I thought I was hearing His voice. This practice taught me well with some failures and a lot of exciting spiritual experiences. Do you long to hear God call your name? Make a new commitment to spending time quieting your soul each day. Even if you don’t know what to say, present yourself to God in prayer and tell Him, speak Lord for your servant is listening! Wait on Him. No matter how many days it takes, wait on Him each day. Commit to listening to whatever topic is His heart and obeying whatever He speaks to you. “As we listen, our ears become more sensitive, and like Jesus, we will hear God all the time….Get into the habit of saying, “Speak, Lord,” and life will become a romance” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest, Jan 30). Kari Jobe: Blood of Jesus (copy & paste) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeFC_2btqD8

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Be Still My Soul

Recently, I went through a season with the Lord in which I and Him became very close. I drew away from dependency on the world, my husband, my job, and my friends for my comfort and drew near—within Gods comforting arms. I began to have thoughts that I was really getting somewhere spiritually. I had thoughts that said to me that I had attained a place in which I did not no longer need the things of this world to comfort me because I had my love with Jesus and I was fulfilled. Sadly, my mind was deceiving me and my pride was telling me lies. It is so easy to believe that one’s self is close to God when you have all the things that you are rejecting for Him, but when one or more of those things is removed things change! This is when our romance, our loyalty to God alone is shown for what it is. This is when our wanton hearts are exposed! I had told God that all I needed is Him and all I wanted is Him. He is so wise and patient friends! He must have smiled when I prayed those things. He knew my eyes were blind to my humanity, my basest needs. Oh, I love Him friends! He is so patient and so wise that He gently moves us in front of His heavenly mirror to show us what He sees and then wraps His arms around us as we stand exposed in His reflection. He holds us quietly while we go through shock, denial, anger, sadness, and then acceptance. Oh friends, what a perfect friend He is! What an amazing God is the Father of Jesus! This is the God people say does all these great harms? No, they do not know the God that I have experienced and know—and I only know Him a little by His standard. I experienced two wounds to my life, my identity, in two areas close to my pride—my job and my marriage. Oh, I thought that my identity was in Christ alone but I found that when these comforts were truly removed my heart hardened and I began to feel my flesh once again clawing and clambering for the comforts that this world provides. I was shocked! How could this be??? I thought that I didn't need these things anymore to be happy?! Friends, what a deception! We NEVER escape the flesh. Don’t be deceived. We need one another. We need God’s provision in our lives. It’s not that we need idols of these things but God created us for Him first and one another next and finally to build a world that reflects His glory. Our purpose in Him is worked out in our daily lives through the people we love and the work we are given and the places we find rest. God doesn’t want us to get to a place in which we no longer need one another or our daily activities. Our Father in heaven wants to be first, not only, but first. He does not want our love greedily but wants us to come to Him to be filled to overflowing so that we might turn from His face and pour it out upon those standing near. O God I pray that you would make me a loving person!!! Love me Lord, so that I can show love to those standing near me and to those I pass by on my journey. Friends, God knows us far more than we know ourselves. Never forget that. The places in which we are blind within our identities, our humanity, God sees fully. Here is the song that was playing when God began to speak to me and reveal that I am seen by Him in ways that I am blind. Worship! Worship, all you God's people!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mq59iE3MhXM

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I'm Blessed! How are you?

Yesterday at church, I ran into a guy and his boy who we attend small group with. I said the usual, "Hello, how are you?" He responded, "I'm bl-E-ssed!! How are you?" I was taken back. His comment came across to me as artificial and inconsiderate. I responded with, "Oh, ok, well I'm...good". I mean honestly, what can compete with that, right?! This has happened to me before in church with church people. In fact, the last time I heard "I'm blessed!" was from a pastor in passing as he was walking passed me in the church office. Strangely enough, this guy from my small group grabbed my husband just moments later after talking to me and began venting about how NOT BLESSED he actually feels because his life is chaotic and stressful right now. This makes me shake my head. He was being dishonest and misrepresenting reality, for what? The pastor I was talking about earlier that was also so "blessed" has recently taken a long break from his preaching/ministry because of a "health issue" that is not physical sickness. Hmm. I guess he was living quite the same situation as my small group friend,feeling NOT blessed. Both of these men suffer from a debilitating sickness that breeds within the culture of Christ's Church, it's called the prosperity gospel. This is a belief that if you are a Christian then you should live happy, prosperous, stress-free, without conflict, neutral on social issues, without any health issues or relational issues,never suffer in any way, and most of all not having to CHOOSE when choices present themselves and not having to WORK HARD to get to prosperity. Because becoming a Christian is ALL about making your life better and happier, right? Sound strange? Maybe it doesn't sound strange but, if I was to ask this question to many Christians they would answer, yes. And if you or I happen to NOT be "blessed" at the time we are asked how we are, we should NEVER answer with the truth because that would mean that we have no faith. To have no faith is shameful to a Christian. It has taken many years for the prosperity doctrine to trickle down through Christian circles. This doctrine's amazing foothold in Christians' hearts has not been without the influence of worldly practices such as the entitlement society, the growing practice of undisciplined children/not saying or hearing 'No', and the practice of attempting to remove all suffering from persons. These are just three influences but there are many others that have contributed to church goers buying into this idea of always happy and always "blessed". Living real life doesn't supply any illusions about suffering. We ALL go through tough stuff. We all have people in our lives that struggle and suffer. One day we can feel great and the next find out we have cancer. One day we can be successful and make great money and the next we can lose our job and our spouse with no warning. How about having a person in our life that just doesn't get their "crap" togethor and they just make life continually frustrating. This doesn't provide fodder for "happy" and feeling "blessed". There is a process of grief that everyone goes through no matter what the suffering and loss their experiencing. But I can tell you from experience that I don't feel "blessed" when I am suffering. For awhile I just deny I am suffering. Depending on the situation this can last hours or days or weeks. I just go about my life with intensifying pressure on the inside. Then when the pressure gets too much I get angry and fight back against the wave of negative emotions the situation and/or person is creating in my life. Then I come up with an action plan and begin to put it into practice in order to alleviate my suffering. Sometimes this works completely and sometimes it doesn't work at all but more often my actions work to some level for positive outcomes and also don't work in some aspects in any way or very little. I am then left with a choice about my situation or relationship--Am I going to move forward WITH this thing in my life and learn to live above this thing or am I going to live focused on this thing and how I can't be totally rid of it and rid of my suffering? I typically tend to be the person who chooses to move forward with the suffering in my life. I walk with it and look to God to help me carry it. This is where we can either deny we are in fact human and are still suffering or we can say, "No, I'm blessed!" Which means, "I don't want anyone to know that I am struggling because then I don't look super-spiritual and if I'm not super-spiritual then I can't remain aloof and above them because they'll know I'm human!" Oh no, right?! Not human. That wouldn't fit the Hollywood script out there and the media/social media script of a perfectly happy life. Plus, all my talking hasn't mentioned the fact that suffering is almost constant to some level. If we go around boasting that we are blessed then that denies the fact that every human experiences internal pressure that's mostly manageable everyday. Boasting about being blessed is itself a denial of the reality of human life. People do not live on a continuous mountain top experience but typically we live in the travel time moving up to the top but having to turn around and go back down to the valley and then back and forth with a once and awhile mountain top in there that doesn't last long. There are many in America and many more out in other countries that live most of their lives in the valley of life where they must look to God for comfort, provision, and help. Scripture tells us to glorify God when we are experiencing suffering (1 Peter 4:12-16). In other words, talk about how great God is and how He is working in you in the situation. Scripture also teaches that the rewards we are promised are in, GASP, heaven (Matthew 5:12). Scripture also teaches that Christians were each called TO suffering in Christ (1 Peter 2:21). Christians are asked to suffer FOR one another by giving up their lives for one another (1 John 3:16, John 15:13). The Bible teaches that all the creation was subjected to futility and groaning and that it will be when Christ returns that our joy will be made complete in Him (Romans 8:17-23). Scripture teaches that we will experience weakness and will need God (Romans 8:26). Christians have been promised in scripture to be misunderstood, persecuted, rejected, and to, gasp again, suffer for Christ but to be looking for consolation when and in Christ's return (1 Corinthians 4:12-14, 2 Corinthians 1:7). We are taught that because we will experience these heavy things we are to look to what is to come to enable us to not lose heart (2 Corinthians 4:1). The idea of doing certain things to be "blessed" or "cursed" appeared in the Old Testament Law. As we know none of us can keep ourselves totally pure in heart and behavior so we fall desperately short of the Law's demands and the criteria for "blessing" which then in effect makes us fit the requirements for a "cursing". In short, this is the whole reason we need Jesus. Not for a happy, prosperous life. Not so He can take away all our suffering. Not so we can walk around carefree and "blessed". We need Jesus because we break God's law everyday of our lives and because of this we are seperated from God and live with that on our consciences but not just a heavy conscience but according to scripture we are dead men and women without Jesus. Without Jesus's sacrifice fulfilling the requirements of the law we cannot receive the blessing of heaven and eternal life. Ray Comfort, a well known author and speaker teaches on this subject of the modern gospel message of happiness and prosperity as a myth. It is impossible to stay in Christ if we come to him in order to change our lives and get happier and more blessed. And if we believe that if we are in Christ we should be happy and blessed because that's what salvation brings then when life brings its realities of stress and suffering we may easily misrepresent what we are experiencing to our co-Christian friends or those outside of Christ because in essence we are defending our own belief that Christians are supposed to be happy darn it and our phony happieness is what somehow proves that Christians are better off and will ultimately attract non-believers to us and our faith! R-i-gh-t...the thing is people see right through that, or they should. If we tried to glorify God without revealing our suffering it wouldn't make any sense. It's a given then, to glorify God means to first reveal your suffering and then talk about who God is in it and where your faith will stand through it. I will never forget that comment from my small group friend. It imprinted such a strong emotional reaction in me that I know not to ever cause someone else to stumble because of those type of words. I hope I have given you something to think about as well and if you are a believer be sure to be careful of the words you speak and the doctrines you keep. Check out: God Has A Wonderful Plan For Your Life: The Myth of the Modern Message by Ray Comfort.

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The In-Between

Have you ever experienced the in-between? It's like being in a large building with many floors and existing only in the stairwell with no knowledge of what's behind any of the doors that you could possibly open. The other day, the director of the program I am interning at asked me what I plan to do once I finish my internship and graduate. I told him that I did not know because my original vision I had for what I was going to create with my education has slowly lost its life and expression in me and now I am in the in-between. The in-between...a place of insecurity and lack of direction. A place where I have many passions, a place where I can see so many populations who need support and help, a place where I can see so many injustices in the world around me, and a place where I have strong needs and desires for myself and my family as well. How do I know what direction to take? Maybe God is allowing me to stand back and see all the options so that I can choose who I want to invest my heart and my life in. Maybe the in-between is the deep breath, the calm before the storm. The storm being a new mission with new demands on my and my family's lives. Maybe this is time to re-group and be strengthened by God and the love of my family and friends. Honestly, I think that the in-between is a time for all of these wonderings but possibly more purposes than I am aware or can perceive. This makes me remember and smile about God. I am so glad that ultimately I do not have to worry about all the "why's" and the "what if's" and the "when's". He will take care of me. He knows my needs and has a mission for me. I must keep moving forward. I must keep praying, stay close to Him in relationship, and be faithful to my commitments. I must open every door until I open a door where something says "go in". I know God will lead me. He has never abandoned me in my struggles and I trust that He will be there in this one as He has been in the past.

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